SINGLENESS
The most important pursuit in life is to be totally single, I
know u don’t believe that yet.
Singleness is the foundation of all relationships that is you
and your boss, teachers, parents, children and friends,
marriage.
How you get a long your job depends on your singleness
Singleness determines the quality of relationships; personal,
social and professional. If you have problems with your job,
spouse, marriage, with people that is a singleness problem
(dependency syndrome)
The most important relationship in life is not inter-personal
(getting along with other people) but intra-personal
relationship(self)
i. We focus too much on relating with other people but
forget ourselves. You need someone to feel complete.
NB: You need to develop your personal relationship with you
before you do it to other people. When you fail yourself, you can’t
make it with other people.
The most important person you should desire to know is not
others but yourself. Ans the average person doesn’t know
themselves; they are putting on other people’s image; we live
other people’s expectations; we allow the society to shape us.
Self-knowledge is the key to all relationships (you should
know both your weakness and strength)
If you don’t know where you are weak, it will become a
hinderance to all your relationships. You must know what
to manage.
Note: Sometimes we know things about ourselves but we deny
and say someone made us to do it, yet it was our personal
decision.
We shouldn’t blame other people for ourselves.
The most important for you to love is not people but you.
You can’t give what you don’t have. If you hate yourself, you
can’t give love, you will give hate because it’s what you
have. (Because we hate ourselves it’s the reason, we dress
strangely in order to have meaning in the society.)
Matthew 22:36-40 (love your neighbor)
Note: We keep loving people without the pre-requisite. (that’s
why we keep making mistakes)
To love means: pursue and focus on God’s character and God’s
nature and qualities. When you love someone, you want to pursue
them, understand them, to know them and be with them.
As yourself means to the same degree or measure.
THEREFORE: Loving God should result in loving self(self-love).
You can only love others to the same degree/measure you love
yourself.
Stop loving people first.
If you don’t love yourself, you will need people to love you. (the
reason you are heartbroken is that you love others than you love
yourself. You love your boyfriend more than yourself.
It is more important to love yourself than to love me,
because if you don’t love you, you can’t love me.
The reason we are so difficult to other people is that we are
forcing them to love us.
KEYS TO SELF LOVE.
1. Self-love is a result of self-discovery, (kwivumbura)
2. Self-love is as a result of self-source. (inkomoko). Source
determines your value. If you don’t know your source, you
can’t know your value.
3. Self-love is as a result of self-worth. You can’t give yourself
worth when you don’t know where you came from. (That’s
why the fashion industry has kept you block)
4. Self-love is as a result of self-esteem. ( kwihesha agaciro).
How much do u cost. What is the estimate of your value?
Some of us our esteem is so low that we sell our selves on
the street. Any one with 50k can have you. You shouldn’t
marry or get married to anybody, get someone of your
value,
Note: When you realize how worth you are; you fall in love
with yourself.
Self-estimation makes you not to go everywhere, you don’t
fall for everybody.
Lack of self-estimation will make you go everywhere and fall
for everybody.
5. Self-love is as a result of self-concept, (pictures/ideas). How
you picture yourself determines how you treat yourself. (a
girl was chucked by her boyfriend and hanged herself. This
is attached to where you came from. A diamond is diamond
regardless of where it is. But it is not touched by everybody.
Note: The picture of yourself doesn’t come from other people
(what they tell you) but from yourself.
Self-concept means you don’t allow other people to paint
you, how you are to put on, walk, what to do.
I don’t need your opinion to tell me who I am. (Jesus said I
am, what are you?)
If you know the self-concept (picture of yourself) then other
people’s opinions of you don’t count.
Note: You don’t get married because you love someone, but
because you want to share it with some one because you already
love yourself.
SIGNS OF SELF LOVE.
1. Self-confidence. People who don’t love them selves when
they meet a person who loves himself, they call him
arrogant because their insecurity is intimidated by his
security.
2. Self-respect. If you re diamond, you’re.
3. Self-assurance, know and believe.
4. Self-assertive. They believe they have something they can
offer and so they offer.
5. Self-motivated. Internally motivated. You don’t depend on
people to keep going. You manage your own feelings, decide
what to do for yourself.
6. Self-values. You place value on yourself so high that they
don’t come down to meet nobody. They bring people up
where they are. What value do you add to me. OR u just
want to bring me down.
7. Self-giving Self love provides you with an equipment to give
yourself to somebody without expecting back. Self-love
gives itself without manipulating people.
8. Self-love is self-affirmation. You tell yourself; you love
yourself that is you congratulate yourself. If you wait for
other people’s approval is a sign that you don’t know your
value.
9. Self-forgiving. A n average person cannot give him/herself
on the things he did. You are looking for people to forgive
you when you have not forgiven yourself. If you have not
forgiven yourself, you can’t forgive me.
[Link] investment. Investment is a measure of value. ( I give
myself the best) I read 2 books a month. What do you give
yourself. Because I know I have something to offer to the
world, I keep expanding my knowledge.
Self-love determines what you invest in yourself. There are
somethings you are going to fore go (don’t go to all eat section
menu, you have got to go jogging to cut the body weight.)
SINGLENESS.
Every human was created to influence the world. Influence is
the capacity to impact one’s environment, that includes the
people and circumstances through presence, performance,
personality, and competence.
Presence. When you walk into a place, you live an impact.
(When Jesus went to a place.
Performance. You are so good at what you do that you
demand respect. If Ronaldo says let me say something
about football, everybody will shut up because he has
perfected his talent.
Personality. The person you display, how do you walk,
greet, smile, confidence.
Competence. If you meet someone with a PhD what’s your
response. Knowledge is the source of information, The
more knowledge you have, the more information you have
and respected.
Influence is earned overtime through consistent commitment, and
dedication to personal goals, conviction, discipline or cause at the
expense of self-preservation.
You have to master something to gain influence. Doctors,
lawyers.
SINGLENESS AND SUCCESS. (How to become successful)
i. Influence power will produce leadership.
ii. Influence power will result into personal success.
iii. The key to influence is value.
iv. If you want to be successful do not seek success, seek
influence. It is influence that attracts finances.
v. Seek to become a person of value. The more valuable you
become, the more the influence.
Value is determined by the worth you bring to life. The
less value you bring to life the less you are paid. The less
value you bring to life the less they value you. Your salary
is someone’s value to your contribution.
If you have a low salary don’t ask for an increment,
just increase your value. (Go back to school and get
another degree) Change your calendar and activities
you have been doing.
Money is attracted to value.
If you are going to get married to me, bring me
some value, I don’t want to marry a deficit.
Worth is determined by your significance. How
significant are you to your community determines
your value.
How to become an influence.
i. Competence
ii. Performance
iii. Personality
iv. Presence.
SECRET TO SIGNIFICANCE
1. You were created to dominate life but in the area of gifting.
The influence that you have in your life comes from your
gift.
2. The gift that you were given, was given to you to solve a
problem here on earth/meet a need.
All people of influence are abnormal people, they defy
the norms of the society.
3. Your gift is in your area of significance. (Sometimes your gift
is not your job. On the job you don’t think for yourself)
The secret to your wealth is in your gift.
The future is not in the job, the future is in a person
holding the job. ( do not be married to the job, they will
chase you tomorrow.)
If your value comes from your job, pray they never fire
you. You are more important than the title, the job
they gave you.
Your value should be who you are in God.
Your gift makes you valuable (heart of singleness)
Your gift attracts wealth and affluence(if you have no
value people will do dodge you. Prov.18:16-17. 19:7,
19:4.