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“Microphony”

(AN 11 MINUTE SCRIPT) #145

Written by: Butch Hartman, Steve Marmel and Jack Thomas
Final Draft: 2.21.02
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FADE IN: EXT. - DIMMSDALE - EARLY MORNING
It's the start of a beautiful summer day. We start on a "BOB AND BOB" IN THE MORNING
BILLBOARD. Bob and Bob look like totally cool, 20-something radio guys.
BOB (V.O.)
Good morning, Dimmsdale! I'm Bob...
The camera PANS DOWN to see the billboard is outside of...
ON CHESTER - OUTSIDE HIS MOBILE HOME, wearing green army SWIM TRUNKS and
holding SURFBOARD.
OTHER BOB (V.O.)
And I'm Bob! And we're Dimmsdale's radio voices of summertime
fun!
The camera follows Chester as he runs towards... Something. Chester leaps into the air...
BOB (V.O.)
Get ready for some big waves! Big sun...
...and Lands in a KIDDIE POOL. The surfboard is too big for the pool. It and Chester bounce
OS.
CUT TO:
EXT. - A CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS
KIDS on SCOOTERS roll by a BUS BENCH with Bob and Bob in the morning advertised on
it.
OTHER BOB (V.O.)
And big fun!
Chester lands on the bench. After a beat, his surfboard thumps him on the head and spins
OS and into...
CUT TO:
INT. - TIMMY'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
SFX: CRUNCH!!! Chester's surfboard crashes through Timmy's window, spins through the
room and crashes out through another window. COSMO AND WANDA, in the fishbowl, are
jarred awake.
ON TIMMY, also jarred awake.
TIMMY
Oh boy! That means it's summer vacation! And best of all,
my parents get two weeks off, which means...
COSMO, WANDA AND TIMMY
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...NO VICKY FOR TWO WEEKS!!!
MOM and DAD burst into Timmy's room, wearing vacation GEAR and carrying VACATION
STUFF. Cosmo and Wanda poof into the fishbowl.
DAD
Oh, Timmy! We've got two weeks off!
MOM
Are you ready to have your head explode from the greatest
summer vacation of your ten-year-old life?
TIMMY
You bet! These are gonna be the greatest two weeks ever!
BOB (V.O.)
For the next two weeks, the Bob and Bob show is brought
to you by Vicky's babysitting service!
TIMMY
WHAT?!?
CUT TO:
INT. - THE DJ BOOTH OF K-HIP - SAME TIME
We see BOB AND BOB as they truly are: Bald, 50 year olds. VICKY, standing next to a
TV/VCR combo, inserts a VIDEO of Bob and Bob playing shuffleboard.
BOB
(young voiced) And we'll be right back!
(off Mic and totally old) You whippersnapper! I can't believe
you're blackmailing us for advertising time!
VICKY
Believe it, Grampa! And If you don't keep advertising my
baby-sitting service, I'll show the world that you two are
nothing but old, pruneeating fossils!
OTHER BOB
But I've got great-grandchildren that listen to this show!
BOB
And they're not prunes! They're stewed fruit!
VICKY
Whatever! NOW PLAY THE COMMERCIAL!
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Nervously, Bob and Bob pull out THROAT SPRAY and spritz their throats.
BOB
(Young voiced) And now a word from our sponsor!
CUT TO:
INT. - TIMMY'S ROOM - SAME TIME
Timmy looks at the radio in horror as Mom and Dad listen.
SINGERS (V.O.)
If you don't want your summer to be lame and icky, pick up
the phone and call me...
VICKY (V.O.)
I'M VICKY!!!!
Dad clicks off the radio.
DAD
That catchy jingle reminds me, I don't want my summer to
be lame and icky!
MOM
We should pick up the phone!
MOM AND DAD
And call Vicky!!!
Off Timmy's horrified expression, we...
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. TURNER HOUSE - A LITTLE LATER
Timmy pushes a 55 gallon DRUM OF TANNING OIL against the house. Cosmo is the CART
and Wanda is a LADDER.
TIMMY
Why am I putting tanning oil on the house?!?
Widen to reveal that DAD is securing a SURFBOARD to a cool DUNE BUGGY that's already
packed with SUMMERTIME FUN GEAR. Chester's surfboard spins through scene in the BG.
Vicky's jingle plays on the car radio.
MOM
Because Vicky said so! And she's on the radio!
DAD
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Besides, don't you want a nice, tan house?
Mom and Dad hop into the Dune Buggy and peel out. Vicky, in a BATHING SUIT AND
SUNGLASSES, steps into scene.
VICKY
Goodbye, Mr. and Mrs. Turner! (to Timmy) And hello, eight
bucks an hour!!!
Vicky whips out a BEACH CHAIR and starts tanning. SANJAY AND ELMER step in and start
fanning her with gigantic FANS. ON TIMMY as he starts applying OIL to the house.
TIMMY
I hope Chester and AJ don't get sucked into this...
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. - AJ'S DRIVEWAY - LATER
AJ sits on a large, ELECTRIC SCAFFOLD washing a WINDOW.
AJ
Man... This is gonna take all day!
Pull back to reveal AJ is on the side of a HUGE, DIRTY SUV. We see he has managed to
just clean a small part of it. POW! The back doors of the SUV fly open and AJ's PARENTS
drive out in a Dune Buggy just like the Turner's. Vicky's jingle plays on the Dune Buggy
radio. Vicky step in.
AJ'S DAD
How convenient! That's how long we'll be at the beach!
VICKY
And how long I'll be baby-sitting you!
The parents zoom away as Vicky picks up a BUCKET. Vicky is now carting around Timmy,
Sanjay and Elmer on those little "baby leashes," like a dog walker, so she can keep track of
all the kids at once.
VICKY
You missed a spot, Captain Cranium.
AJ
Where?
Vicky dumps the bucket right where AJ had cleaned. It's full of DIRT.
VICKY
Everywhere! HAHAHAH!
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Vicky whips out her deck chair and lounges. Widen to reveal Elmer and Sanjay are still
attached to her via dog leashes. Vicky cracks the leashes like dog sled reins...
VICKY
Now, MUSH!!!
Elmer and Sanjay pull the deck chair OS as AJ and Timmy start to clean the car together.
Chester's surfboard spins through in the BG.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. CHESTER'S MOBILE HOME – LATER
CHESTER struggles to push an ENGINE BLOCK. Vicky watches from a lounge chair as
ELMER and SANJAY fan her and Timmy and AJ put tanning oil on the Mobile Home. The
kids are on their "dog leashes."
VICKY (To Chester)
(To Chester) When you're done moving that 500 pound
engine block to the backyard, make sure you move the
other 500 pound engine block out here to the front yard!!
Chester HUFFS and PUFFS.
CHESTER
Why don't I get to go out and play?
CHESTER'S DAD (O.S.)
You are out, and I'm playing! Just like the radio said!
Widen to reveal CHESTER'S DAD, BAG on his head, in swim trunks and a white tank top,
by the side of the road, listening to Vicky's jingle on a TRANSISTOR RADIO. All the other
parents pull up in Dune Buggies, including Timmy's Mom and Dad.
DAD
Hop in!
Chester's Dad hops in as the buggies pull out.
ADULTS
IT'S A CHORE FREE SUMMER! WOO!
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. - DIMMSDALE ELEMENTARY BASEBALL DIAMOND - LATER THAT DAY
AN EXHAUSTED TIMMY stands at home plate with a COSMO BASEBALL BAT.
TIMMY
(beat)
Finally! We can enjoy our summer!
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Timmy, Chester and AJ, along with SANJAY, ELMER and various other KIDS, are in
VARIOUS POSITIONS around the baseball diamond. Sanjay, on the mound, prepares to
throw a pitch.
SANJAY
(exhausted) Prepare to face the incessant heat of my fastball!
Sanjay attempts to throw the ball and falls asleep mid-throw. He lands face first in the dirt
and starts <<snoring.>>
ON FIRST BASE - A drowsy Chester falls asleep as well.
CHESTER
So tired, can't lift glove...
WIDEN TO SEE ALL KIDS FALL ASLEEP AT THEIR POSITIONS. ON TIMMY - AJ, behind
him as the Catcher, falls asleep.
COSMO
Yay! They're all out! How many points is that?
Wanda poofs in as HOME PLATE.
TIMMY
Vicky's worn them out, and they're too pooped to play! Can
this get any worse?
SFX: Dune buggy horns.
The buggies roar into scene, whirl around Timmy and kick up dirt. Vicky's jingle plays on the
Buggy radio.
PARENTS
SUMMER RULES!! NOT THAT YOU KIDS WOULD KNOW!
WOOOO!!
The Dune Buggies exit. Timmy's coated head to toe in DUST.
TIMMY
That does it!!! I am not going to let Vicky use radio to ruin
the only two weeks of summer I have with my parents!
Come on!
WANDA
What are you gonna do?
TIMMY
I'm gonna fight radio with radio!
Chester's surfboard spins through scene in the BG.
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DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. - TIMMY'S BACKYARD - NEXT DAY
Angle on: TIMMY'S TREE HOUSE. Push in...
TIMMY (V.O.)
Okay, guys, let's make this place an awesome, high-tech
radio station!
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. TREEHOUSE - SAME TIME
Timmy, with Cosmo and Wanda floating nearby, sits on the floor.
TIMMY
I wish I had a sound board! 400 Disc CD Player. And a
Wall of signed photographs from rock stars!
POOF! POOF! POOF! The interior of the treehouse becomes a HIGH TECH RADIO
STATION.
TIMMY
And, of course, I'll need my own wacky morning Zoo Crew.
Cosmo raises his wand and POOF! The tree house is filled with WILD AFRICAN ANIMALS.
We take a beat... And all the animals stampede, tearing apart everything Timmy just wished
for. The place is a complete mess. We take another beat.
TIMMY
Okay, you guys, let's make this place an awesome,
high-tech radio station! Again!
Wanda waves her wand and the radio station re-appears.
COSMO
What do I get to do?
TIMMY
You can be the traffic 'Copter! Every radio station has
a traffic 'Copter!
Cosmo POOFS OS.
CUT TO:
EXT. - TIMMY'S BACK YARD - SAME TIME
POOF! The treehouse now looks like an actual RADIO OFFICE BUILDING, but in a tree. A
big SIGN reads "K-TIM." A Gigantic ANTENNA, shaped like a fairy wand, poofs into scene.
COSMO - as a TRAFFIC 'COPTER -- poofs onto the roof of the studio and flies into the air.
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COSMO
Hey, I can see your house from here! Man, your house
is tan!!
CUT TO:
INT. - TREE HOUSE - SAME TIME
ON TIMMY, sliding up to the MICROPHONE.
TIMMY
Time to save summer and get Vicky off the air!
WANDA
And now, here's Wanda with the news -Vicky's gonna
kill you when she finds out what you're doing!
TIMMY
I've already got that covered! I wish I had a magic
microphone that'll totally disguise my voice!
Wanda waves her wand and POOF! Timmy now sits in front of a glowing MAGIC
MICROPHONE. Wanda takes a seat behind the sound booth, ala Roz in Frazier.
DOUBLE T (DEEP VOICE)
Solid. Hello, Dimmsdale. It's me, Ti...
ON WANDA - WRITING "NO!!!!" ON A GIGANTIC CUE CARD.
DOUBLE T
Ti... I mean, Double T in the morning and it is time to
bring some love back to this summer! And you have to
listen to me, because I'm on the radio!
CUT TO:
INT. - VICKY'S BABYSITTING SERVICE - SAME TIME
This is a plain, white room with a line of PHONE OPERATORS sitting in front of a PHONE
BANK. Behind them, Vicky sits at a big DESK, counting piles of CASH. A wall logo reads
"VICKY'S BABYSITTING SERVICE." The phones ring off the hook - and continue ringing
through the scene.
OPERATORS
(Vicky's babysitting service walla)
There is a RADIO on Vicky's desk.
SINGERS
(ON RADIO: THE JINGLE)
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VICKY
HA! Ruining other people's summer vacation makes this
the best summer vacation ever!
DOUBLE T (V.O.)
(through radio) This is Double T telling you to stop using
Vicky's Baby-sitting service...
The PHONES INSTANTLY STOP RINGING.
DOUBLE T (V.O.)
...and start using your summer... for family fun.
WANDA (V.O.)
The Double T in the morning show is brought to you by
Vicky Stinks! Remember, Vicky Stinks!
VICKY
What adult in their right mind would listen to that lame
ad?
All the adults barge in, still in their summer clothing, including Dad, Mom, AJ'S Parents and
Chester's Dad.
DAD
Oh, Vicky... I've come for my money back! Because
Double T said you stink!
MOM
And he said it on the radio! Which makes it an undeniable
fact!
They grab the cash and bolt OS. Vicky fumes and we...
CUT TO:
INT. - TIMMY'S TREEHOUSE - SAME TIME
Timmy's at the microphone. Wanda's in the sound booth.
DOUBLE T
Now, let's get a traffic report from our Cosmo 'Copter!
CUT TO:
EXT. - DIMMSDALE FREEWAY - SAME TIME
Cosmo, as the traffic 'Copter, is in the sky above a FREEWAY Cosmo is filming . with a
Camera. The freeway's packed with Dune Buggies returning from the beach and headed
into town.
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COSMO
Well, Double T, as you can see... It seems like every
parent in Dimmsdale is leaving the beach...
CUT TO:
INT. - TIMMY'S TREEHOUSE - SAME TIME
Timmy's broadcasting - he has a little monitor on his sound board so he can see what
Cosmo's seeing. Wanda's in the sound booth.
COSMO (V.O.)
And headed home!
DOUBLE T
It's working! And now, I'm gonna make sure that parents
and kids have the best, VickyFree Summer of their lives.
Timmy hits a button and a BARRY WHITE style song begins... called "Vicky Free Summer."
(To Be Written)
MONTAGE - SUMMER SCENES OF PARENTS WITH KIDS - DAY *
ON AJ's parents, at a LAKE, with radio control BOATS. Mom and Dad control sail boats. AJ
pulls out a remote... A fully rendered NAVAL DESTROYER comes into scene and blows both
of the sail boats out of the water. Chester's surfboard spins through in the BG.
* ON VICKY The phone isn't ringing. A BOOM BOX sits on her desk.
SFX: . Phone ring.
She answers the phone. It keeps ringing. The sound is coming from the boom box.
DOUBLE T (V.O.)
Yes, that's what a phone would sound like... If it were
actually ringing at Vicky's baby-sitting Service! Which
it's not!
Vicky angrily hangs the phone up.
* ON A CALENDER - It's June 15th. Several pages flip off, stopping on June 19th. One head
exploding week has passed.
* ON SANJAY - On the pitcher's mound, playing ball. He throws his aforementioned fastball.
Sanjay throws wildly, hitting a WINDOW, a CAR, then the COSMO 'Copter.
COSMO
Ow!
* ON CHESTER AND HIS DAD - Behind them, we see a beautiful BEACH with the SUN
setting. We pull back to realize they are sitting in beach chairs in front of their TV, in their
mobile home. They clink foam DRINK HOLDERS, each containing plastic cups of SODA.
* ON A CALENDER - More pages flip over. It's June 25th.
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* ON VICKY - Sitting at her babysitting service desk, clicking her nails on the desk with
boredom.
KIDS (O.S.)
(LAUGHING)
As the song ends, Vicky turns and sees through her ground floor window: Kids riding
scooters. She throws the radio at the window. It bounces off the glass and hits her in the
forehead.
VICKY
AAGH!!
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. - TIMMY'S TREEHOUSE - DAYS LATER
ON THE TREEHOUSE, still as K-TIM.
DOUBLE T (V.O.)
...and with the last few days of your parent's vacations, let's
go to our Cosmo 'Copter for a special report... On what's
stinking with Vicky.
CUT TO:
INT. - VICKY'S BABYSITTING SERVICE - SAME TIME
Empty. Desolate. Cobwebbed. Vicky looks really, really pissed. The radio is still on her desk.
COSMO (V.O.)
Well, Double T, it looks like Vicky's out of business! And her
Acne's acting up!
VICKY
HEY!! How's he know that??
WIDEN TO REVEAL the Cosmo 'Copter, looking in the window right next to Vicky's head.
COSMO
And now I think I should go!! The 'Copter flies off.
Vicky exits her office and watches the Cosmo 'Copter flying off into the distance.
CUT TO:
ON THE 'Copter - As it flies over Dimmsdale. Cosmo looks down and sees Vicky running
after him at full speed.
COSMO
And now she's chasing me and her acne is still acting up!
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Vicky kicks a KID off his scooter, hops on and follows Cosmo.
CUT TO:
INT. - TIMMY'S TREEHOUSE - SAME TIME
On Timmy and Wanda.
SFX: Helicopter noise.
TIMMY
You don't think Cosmo would be dumb enough to come
straight here with Vicky following him, do you?
ON TIMMY'S MONITOR - we see Vicky is now at the foot of the tree house. The Cosmo
'Copter lowers within view of the treehouse window.
COSMO
Actually, yes. HIDE!!!
Wanda poofs OS just as Vicky kicks the door in.
VICKY
YOU! You're Double T in the morning?
TIMMY
But... But... But...
Vicky reaches OS, grabs a bunch of cable WIRE and ties Timmy to the chair.
VICKY
You might have ruined my business and my summer...
She leans into the mic. It changes her voice to sound like Double T's.
VICKY (with Double T voice)
But I'm going to ruin the REST OF YOUR LIFE.
She pulls away from the Mic.
VICKY
Hey! This microphone uses technology to make your voice
deep and irresistible!
TIMMY
Sure. Let's go with that.
VICKY
Which means everyone will think I'm you!
TIMMY
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NO! DON'T!
Vicky flips a switch... She is now on the air, sounding just like Double T.
VICKY
Hello, Dimmsdale... This is Double T in the morning saying...
I'm actually just twerpy, Timmy Turner using a fancy microphone!
QUICK CUTS AROUND THE CITY:
* All the kids in the park listen to a boom box.
DOUBLE T'S VOICE (V.O.)
I'm just a dumb, 10 year old that tricked you into wasting your
summer on your kids...
* Mom and Dad, listening to the radio in their living room, are shocked.
DOUBLE T'S VOICE (V.O.)
...All parents are morons...
*Mom and Dad are even more shocked.
CUT TO:
INT. - TREEHOUSE - SAME TIME
Vicky is still at the microphone.
DOUBLE T'S VOICE
And if you want to tear me limb from limb, my studio is in a
tree behind Timmy's House!!
Timmy squirms, still wired to the chair, but can't get free.
VICKY
And, so you can't smooth talk your way out this...
Vicky throws the microphone out the window.
ANGRY CROWD OF ADULTS (O.S.)
<<ANGRY WALLA>>
VICKY
Is that an angry mob approaching? Well, my work here is
done!
Vicky leaps out of the tree house. Wanda poofs in... waves her wand and frees Timmy.
TIMMY
I gotta get out of here! I...
Timmy's POV:
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THROUGH the window, we see all the parents arrive in their DUNE BUGGIES, carrying
PITCHFORKS AND TORCHES. TIMMY Rats.
CUT TO:
EXT. - TIMMY'S TREEHOUSE / RADIO STATION - SAME TIME
ON THE PARENTS, angry, shaking their fists.
CHESTER'S DAD
There's the studio!!! That's where Double T is!!!
DAD
Yeah! And if he is my son, he's grounded! And if he's not
my son, why is he in my son's treehouse?
All the parents advance on the treehouse.
ON TIMMY - in his treehouse window, sinking in fear. Before the parents can get to the
treehouse, they're stopped by... ALL THE KIDS IN DIMMSDALE!!
ALL KIDS
STOP!!!
CHESTER'S DAD
You kids get out of the way. We have to go up there and
tear Double T limb from limb!
DAD
Yeah! It said so on the radio!
DOUBLE T (V.O.)
But that kid up there isn't Double T!
ON AJ - Holding the magic microphone.
AJ
(as Double T) I am.
Sanjay grabs the mic from AJ.
SANJAY
(as Double T) No! Me! I am Double T in the morning!
Ground me if you dare!
Chester grabs the mic. He breathes heavily, ala Darth Vader.
CHESTER
(as Double T) Luke! I am your father!
(back to normal) Man this thing is cool!
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MOM
Well, we can't ground all of you!
DAD
Unless the radio tells us to!
Vicky steps in, holding FLYERS for her baby-sitting service.
VICKY
Sure you can! And when you need somebody to watch
your grounded kids, you can get your baby-sitter from Vicky's
baby-sitting service!
DAD
Hey, I heard about that on the radio!
The adults pull out cash, ready to pay Vicky to baby-sit their kids again... When, suddenly:
TIMMY (O.S.)
STOP!!
Timmy leaps in and grabs the magic mic from Chester.
TIMMY
(normal voice) Don't ground them, they're not the ones who
tricked you... It was me.
Timmy speaks into the microphone with Double T's voice.
DOUBLE T
But -- come on! -- All I did was use the power of radio to
bring us all together for a head exploding two weeks of
family summer fun! Was that such a bad thing?
MOM
Well, no...
CHESTER'S DAD
Actually, it was the most fun I've ever had without a Monster
Truck!
DAD
But Double T said parents were morons!
TIMMY
(normal voice) But I didn't say that, Vicky did!
VICKY
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Yeah, right! Prove it, twerp!
Suddenly, a DARK BLUE CAR SCREECHES into frame. Two DARK SUITED GUYS jump
out and flash fancy government BADGES.
SUIT GUY#1
Nobody move. We represent the Federal Communications
Commission. Which one of you is Double T in the morning?
There's a beat. Every kid smiles and points to Vicky.
ALL KIDS
She's Double T in the morning!
They slap CUFFS on her.
VICKY
WHAT? Come on! I'm not DOUBLE T!
Timmy holds the magic microphone to her mouth.
VICKY
(deep voice; re:Timmy) He's Double T. Oops.
SUIT GUY#1
You can't say moron on the radio, you can only say it on
television.
SUIT GUY#2
Let's go, punk. We got a jail full of morons waiting to meet
you.
Vicky is thrown into the back of the car - and the car speeds off.
VICKY (V.O.)
Nooo!!!!!!!!!
COSMO AND WANDA Poof in as HUMMING BIRDS.
TIMMY
Wow! I just had two weeks of head exploding summer fun,
AND Vicky's gonna rot in a federal jail!
WANDA
Can this summer get any better?
Mom pulls in with a Dune Buggy.
MOM
Who wants to go to the beach?
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EVERYBODY
WE DO!!!!
They all pile in and peel out. The Dune Buggies rolls through and the kids AND parents
scream...
EVERYBODY
FAMILIES RULE!!!
And on Chester's surfboard spinning into frame and planting itself vertically in the ground
we...
FADE OUT:
END OF EPISODE