MIFFY 1

VIDEO
SKETCH
Verse:
​ My boyfriend came home, said I’ve got a surprise
​ I said perfect, he said, “baby close your eyes”

🔝
​ He walks me to the bed, are we gonna bump?
​ He said to me, “Tonight, I wanna get 18 and upp”

​ Puts me on the bed, staring at his eyes

​ Lays me on my back, and that’s when I got a surprise
​ “It’s not a ring, didn’t get you a blue box”
​ He said, “baby girl, I wanna play with some blocks”

Chorus
​ (I got a Lego) ​
​ (I got a lego)
​ (I got a lego)
​ (I got a lego)

Spoken:
​ Yeah baby, this isn’t Duplo. This is some grown shit.

Verse
​ It’s really big, it’s got twelve hundred pieces
​ And it’s Lego Friends, so I’ll build it with my nieces
​ I can speed it up or I can slow it down
​ In an hour and a half we’re gonna build a tiny town
Chorus
​ (I got a Lego)
​ (I got a lego)
​ (I got a lego)
​ (I got a lego)

​ (I got a Lego) ​ (LEGO NINJAGOOO)

​ (I got a lego) (LEGOOOO BATMAN)
​ (I got a lego) (LEGO
​ (I got a lego)
THE GIRLIE PROJECT - 3/5/26 SHOW
written By
The Girlie Project
 PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL GOES TO THERAPY

INT. THERAPY OFFICE - DAY

Therapist and patient sit in therapy office, patient is
sobbing
PATIENT
And I think it all just stems back
to my dad dying when I was twelve
THERAPIST
Well that's time, I'll see you next
week.
The patient leaves bawling her eyes out and Punxsutawney Phil
somberly walks in, in a full groundhog outfit and tutu, head
down, defeated.
THERAPIST (CONT'D)
Phil, welcome in, how are you doing
after the big day?
PHIL
(deep sigh) Im fine.
THERAPIST
Phil, we've been over this, you
won't get anything out of our
sessions if you aren't open and
honest with me.
PHIL
Im fine
THERAPIST
Okay, then what would you like to
talk about toda-
Phil breaks down uncontrollably
PHIL
This fucking job is tearing me
apart
Therapist puts down his notepad and hands Phil a box of
tissues
THERAPIST
Its okay Phil let it out
 2.

PHIL
Im always the villain, Im ALWAYS
the villain, over something I have
no control over!
THERAPIST
It's okay, just take deep breaths
Phil.
Phil looks into out into the audience and slowly gets up,
giving his heartbreaking monologue
PHIL
Ever since I was a young hog Ive
been dragged out in the cold
Philadelphia air and lifted up for
all to see! Year after year
everyone gets so upset over seeing
my shadow, I don't want to see my
shadow either, I swear it gets
bigger and bigger every year. Im so
insecure! Here comes Fee fi foe
Phil!
THERAPIST
Where is this negative self talk
coming from? You've been doing so
good recently
PHIL
Yeah, well all of my self work has
gone to shit. And my PR team sucks,
they never let me defend myself or
put out a statement. I just have to
sit in my enclosure and take this
public scrutiny.
THERAPIST
I think you have a misconstrued
image of yourself and how you're
perceived, people love you Phil!
PHIL
Well it doesn't feel that way!!!
Phil takes a deep breath after his brief explosion
PHIL (CONT'D)
Im sorry for raising my voice, Ive
just been going through hell
recently.
 3.

THERAPIST
Is there anything else that's been
bothering you?
PHIL
Yeah but its stupid
THERAPIST
We don't use that kind of talk
Phil, remember what we say?
THERAPIST AND PHIL (IN UNSION)
(CONT'D)
All feelings are valid!
PHIL (CONT'D)
Okay, fine. I want to dance.
THERAPIST
Dance?
PHIL
Dance! I want to Chassé, Plié,
Jeté, you name it! I don't want to
be Punxsutawney Phil anymore, I
want to be prima ballerina Phil.
There is an aggressive knock at the door!
PHILIPPA
GROUNDHOGGGGGG!
PHIL
Oh god, it's my wife.
PHILIPPA
Phil! I know you're in there!!!
PHIL
Honey, this is my therapy hour, you
know this!
Philippa barges in the therapy office, looking an absolute
wreck with two babies on her hips and a cigarette in her
mouth.
PHILIPPA
Therapy hour? God I can't remember
the last time I had an hour to
myself, hold your son.
Philippa gives one of the babies to Phil and pulls up a chair
next to him and takes a drag of her cigarette.
 4.

THERAPIST
It's a pleasure to meet you mrs.
Punxsutawney. Phil was just telling
me about his love for dance
PHILIPPA
Jesus Christ Phil, not this again
PHIL
Yes, this again! I don't know why
you always feel the need to
diminish my aspirations
PHILIPPA
Aspirations? Delusions Phil!
Delusions!
PHIL
You never support me, who are you
to tell me I can't chase my dreams.
PHILIPPA
Im your wife Phil, the mother to
your children! Remember them? Oh,
you wouldn't because you're too
busy leaping all over our
enclosure instead of helping me
with the twins.
PHIL
I provide for our family, do you
think my job is easy Philippa?
PHILIPPA
Yes Phil I do! you work one day a
year!
THERAPIST
Okay let's not diminish each others
feelings.
PHILIPPA
You stay out of this! you didn't
witness my husband doing pirouettes
while I was in active labour.
PHIL
AND ILL DO IT AGAIN!!!
Phil shoves the baby back in Phillipa's arms and starts doing
pirouettes around the therapy office.
THERAPIST
Annnnd, that's time. Thank you.
ELEANOR'S FRIEND

FDR: Helen
Eleanor: Cami
Paula: Coleman
Teddy: Jude
EXT. WHITE HOUSE

Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Eleanor Roosevelt enter to

fanfare.

ELEANOR
Congratulations on your win, Mr.
Roosevelt.

FDR
For the last time, Eleanor, you can
call me your husband.

ELEANOR
But “husband” doesn’t feel right,
you know? Like, “friend who I let
passively dry kiss me” doesn’t have
a name, but... it’s accurate.

He checks the mic.

FDR
Is this thing on? Well, my fellow
Americans… GODDAMN, right? This
Great Depression, civil unrest,
what’s next? Another world war?
Don’t worry, I know it’s all gonna
be ok. Go America!

Everyone cheers.

FDR (CONT’D)
I’m gonna get you all jobs, and
bring prosperity back to the
country. I have felt your
struggles, and I have a complex,
important plan to bring us into the
future.

Only Paula cheers.

FDR (CONT’D)
Okay, just a lot of excitement from
the woman up front. So, just know,
we have nothing to fear but fear
itself.

PAULA
No we don’t, girl!!

FDR
I’m sorry, who are you?
 2.

PAULA
Me? Oh, I’m honored, Mr. President,
um, it’s Paula. Eleanor’s friend.
Hey, queen.

ELEANOR
OKKKKK!

FDR
Excuse me?

ELEANOR
Oh, that’s like, My Girl.

FDR
“Your girl”? Where have you been
going at night?

PAULA
THE CLUB!! We go to that hopping
jazz club around the corner and
take KET-A-MINEEEE!

ELEANOR
Oh, you’re bad!

FDR
Ketamine? Is that some newfangled
device that will bring us into the
new America?

ELEANOR
Sort of...

PAULA
Eleanor, girl, your husband is so
boring. Did you even try to find an
interesting beard?

FDR
Ma’am, please calm down.

PAULA
No, you know what, no. I know you
have this biiiiiiig speech, and you
think you’re the man, but that’s my
friend. That’s my friend!

FDR
Are you drunk?

PAULA
(Slurred)
Nnoo.
 3.

ELEANOR
Paul, girl, just sit, we’ll talk
later.

PAULA
Fine fine fine fine fine. Whateva.

FDR
Okay, well, back to my fellow
Americans...

PAULA
AND ANOTHER THING!

FDR
CHRIST!

Paula storms the stage.

PAULA
Here’s the thing, like...
America... Ameeeeerica the
beautiful, god bless his something
something meeeee.... America is so
beautiful, right, like? What other
country can you be openly closeted?
With the First Lady? Isn’t that
fierce?

FDR
Excuse me, this is MY speech,
hussy!

PAULA
Wow, misogyny is alive and well...

FDR
YEAH! IT’S 1940!

PAULA
I thought you’d be better than
this...

FDR
NO! I’M NOT! I’M NOT A PIONEER, OK?
That’s why me and my boyf-

ELEANOR
Your WHAT?

FDR
No, babe, it’s not like that...

TEDDY, very flamboyant, yells from the audience:

 4.

TEDDY
It’s not?

FDR
Teddy, not now...

TEDDY
No, I come all the way down from
Palm Springs to see your big
speech, and suddenly you’re too
busy and your wife is nagging! I
want to have ANAL SEX with you!

FDR
NO! NO NO NO!

ELEANOR
Oh, this is wonderful! I don’t have
to pretend anymore! After all these
years, Paula.

PAULA
Gosh, I love ya, Eleanor.

Music swells.

FDR
Oh, what the hell, get up here
Teddy.

The music switches to Born This Way by Lady Gaga.

PAULA
Tell you what, I’ve got a baggy of
K, let’s go to Club Cafe and put
this to good use.

FDR
Yeah, that’s my favorite gay bar in
Washington, DC!

ELEANOR
MINE TOO!
THE GIRLIE PROJECT - 3/5/26 SHOW
written By
The Girlie Project
 FUCK-BOY GUINEA PIG

INT. A FEMALE GUINEA PIG ENCLOSURE - DAY

About 100 female guinea pigs sit in the enclosure. They are
all acting like human women (doing each other's nails, doing
hair, singing to themselves, etc...).
Three very attractive female guinea pigs dressed for 'sweater
weather', SHEILA, GRETTA, and BRENDA (all mid 30s w/ thick NY
accents), sit center stage. Another female guinea pig, AMBER
is running on the wheel, she loves it but she's obviously
tired/sweaty.
A male guinea pig, RANDY (early 20s, in fuck-boy attire)
enters and struts up to them.
He pulls out his phone above his head and begins making
Tiktoks (showing his abs, lip syncing to a Ken Carson song,
trying to come off as hard, etc...). He looks at the girls
occasionally to see if he's got one in the bag. He does not.
RANDY
Ayee, what's up ladies?
SHEILA
Um, sorry who are you, and what are
you doing here?
They laugh.
RANDY
Woah woah woah, chill on me sexy. I
just got bored, aha, all alone...
in my bed.
Gretta perks up from doing her nails.
GRETTA
Ew, you stupid fuckboy.
RANDY
Aha, nawww.
Randy rubs his hands together close to his face.
SHEILA
You look like a fly, shew.
Randy looks down, then up. Like Justin Bieber.
 2.

RANDY
I just need a girl, to do shit
with. Wink, if you know what i
mean, aha!
He bites his lip and holds his crotch lightly.
GRETTA
I don't think you get how
embarrassing this is for you.
SHEILA
If you really think any of us
baddies would evaaa go with a guy
like you, you're sadly mistaken
haaaaaaaa
Shiela and Gretta let out a laugh like Janice from "Friends"
which then causes the rest of the ladies to laugh.
RANDY
Well, shit I already bagged one of
you. I don't know who it was but
she sucked my dick like...
Act as if you're sucking a little water thing for hamsters.
He starts to laugh (ah ha ha classic fuckboy laugh) and then
he starts making thirst traps again. Ken Carson is playing
loudly.
Shiela and Gretta are absolutely shocked. They look around
the room at the other ladies.

SHEILA
Um, who the fuck did that?
GRETTA
Yeah, it's clawed into the
institution constitution that we
don't EVA touch a man. So which one
of yous did it?
Randy laughs
RANDY
She rides that wheel like it's
nobody's business, she sheds a lot,
she munches that hay,
The girls look disgusted,
RANDY (CONT'D)
she smells like 110 pounds of
bounce that ass!!!!
(MORE)
 3.
RANDY (CONT'D)
Oh and she looks just like you, oh!
And you! Omg and you too!
The girls snap their heads over to the crowd of women behind
them.
SHEILA
Amber... When was this?
All heads turn towards AMBER who has been on the wheel since
the start. AMBER sighs and steps off of the wheel.
AMBER
Look ladies, you all know it gets
lonely in here. I love yous so
much, but sometimes I need dick.
Sometimes a girl just needs to pig
out.
All of the girls start to scream and scold Amber, she is not
fazed one bit. She walks over to Randy.
AMBER (CONT'D)
Hi sugah, how ya doin? I missed ya!
RANDY
I'm better now that you're here,
ugh I have been thinking about you
all day.
AMBER
Our little babies are going to live
so happily.
Randy is rubbing Amber's stomach. Sheila runs over.
SHEILA
A BABY?!?!? AMBER WHAT THE FUCK
AMBER
Not one baby, a hundred bitch!
All girls turn to the audience with a frozen face to hands
shock look (if that makes sense)
BLACKOUT
4.
Hybrid video & stage sketch

INT. CLUB -- NIGHT (VIDEO)

Video of CAMI, looking spectacular begins to play,

accompanied, by a fun, sexy beat.

INFOMERCIAL/DINEY CHANNEL TYPE

BEAT(V.O.)
We all know that girl. She’s got
everything -- the looks,

Cami’s hair blows in the wind. She is confident and hot!

INFOMERCIAL (V.O.)
The jokes,

Now Cami is surrounded by friends who are laughing

hysterically. Maybe she cracks a corny joke here.

INFOMERCIAL (V.O.)
The infectious smile,

Cami is beaming.

INFOMERCIAL (V.O.)
And that lovely, relaxed
personality. She can get along with
anyone.

Cami is talking cordially with different people.

More footage of Cami just slaying.

INFOMERCIAL (V.O.)
And you know that heads will turn
when she walks into the club.

INT. CLUB -- NIGHT (STAGE)

She diva baddie walks into the club. Cute fit. (Maybe in slow
motion?)

INFOMERCIAL (V.O.)
When she gets on the dance floor,
everything stops.

Cami is on the dance floor with a drink in her hand,

surrounded by FRIENDS.
 2.

INFOMERCIAL (V.O.)
She feels the beat in her heart and
in her hips.

Cami moves her body a little sensually to the music.

INFOMERCIAL (V.O.)
Nothing can stop her.

More Cami dance/slay.

INFOMERCIAL (V.O.)
Well, maybe one thing is stopping
her. She just can't twerk.

After serving cunt, she begins to awkwardly flail her body.

CLOSE-UP OF CAMI's BUTT

Nothing is moving. She looks a little self-aware but she

keeps her composure and keeps dancing.

A very obvious twerk song comes on and she tries again.

(Pitbull or Beyoncé or something of that nature)

Now it's very obvious and her friends begin look over at Cami
in embarrassment/wonder.

INFOMERCIAL (V.O.)
It looks like...she is attempting
to...twerk. Yes, yes. But not much
is happening.
(beat)
Honestly, this is fascinating. She
has the ass for it but it’s just
not working. A scientific marvel...

Cami goes back to dancing normally. Eventually a GUY comes

over and obviously is trying to flirt/dance with her. She
begins to attempt to grind on him but she’s just bouncing up
and down. She looks like a toddler who just learned how to
walk.

The guy darts away without saying a word. Now Cami is

bouncing awkwardly without anyone behind her. All her friends
and everyone around her have stopped in their tracks and are
staring at Cami. The booming music comes to an abrupt stop.

FRIEND 1
Cami, are you okay?

CAMI
Yup. I’m good. Why?
 3.

FRIEND 1
It’s just that...

FRIEND 2
Why are you moving like that? Are
you okay? Like, physically?

CAMI
Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?

There is an awkward pause. No one knows what to say.

CAMI (CONT’D)
Okay, fine. You caught me. I can’t
twerk.

INFOMERCIAL (V.O.)
We can see that, Cami.

CAMI
I know, I know, it’s so
embarrassing. It’s like a basic
skill that every girl should have.
Especially, you know when you look
like me.

Here, Cami sorta breaks the fourth wall and gives the
audience a flirty smile and pose.

She begins to get emotional.

CAMI (CONT’D)
It’s actually something I’m really
insecure about. I’m practically
perfect in every other way. But
this one thing I just can’t do.

Her friends swoop in before things get too heated.

FRIEND 1
Cami, don’t worry about it. We all
have our flaws. Yours is
just...unexpected.

FRIEND 2
You know what, let’s get out of
here. Get some sleep because twerk
lessons start bright and early at 7
a.m. tomorrow.

EXT. ROCK STAIRS TYPE BEAT - DAY (VIDEO)

“Gonna Fly Now - Theme From ‘Rocky’” begins to play.

 4.

Montage of Friends 1 and 2 shaking their asses, demonstrating

to Cami what twerking is supposed to look like. (maybe some
more Infomercial V.O.

- The girls are in sweats, squatting and doing yoga.

- They’re dancing and moving in various scenarios.

- They’re measuring the right amount of alcohol Cami should

have to loosen her body in preparation to twerk.

FRIEND 1
I think she’s ready.

INT. CLUB -- NIGHT (STAGE)

INFOMERCIAL (V.O.)
It appears that Cami is here to
make a comeback. Let the games
begin.

The girls begin to dance again. Friends 1 and 2 start to

twerk and Cami follows.

For a moment, she’s got it. Her ass is moving. But after mere
seconds, she loeses it. She’s back to just flailing her body,
and everyone notices.

Things escalate. Cami is trying so hard...but then begins to

break down. Literally. She falls to the floor.

INFOMERCIAL (V.O.)
Well... this is what no one wanted
to see.

The music stops. Cami is frantically crashing out.

CAMI
I. Just. Can’t. Do. It. This isn’t
working for me. It’s time to let
go.

Suddenly, the voice of Infomercial appears on stage. Some

trumpets play as she enters.

INFOMERCIAL
Cami, you’ve gone to the ends of
the Earth to learn how to twerk. I
mean, you literally were bending
over backwards.

Cami looks up from the floor.

 5.

CAMI
(in tears)
I know.

INFOMERCIAL
This doesn’t happen often, but we’d
like to offer you a seat in our
very exclusive, members-only club.

CAMI
What? Am I getting more twerking
classes? Because I just can’t--\

INFOMERCIAL
Welcome to the official Hot Girls
Who Can’t Twerk Club.

Infomercial places a crown on Cami’s head and a sash around

her torso.

Now Cami’s tears turn into happy ones. Everyone is applauding

and cheering.

CAMI
Oh my god. Thank you so much. I
want to thank my fri--

INFOMERCIAL
No speeches. Congratulations, Cami!
Maybe being pretty and dumb does
pay off!

THE END.
MIFFY 2
VIDEO
SKETCH
INT. A BLANK ROOM WITH WHITE WALLS

●​ A GROUP OF PEOPLE ARE STANDINGS IN A STRAIGHT LINE WITH

BALLOONS IN THEIR HANDS. THEY ARE ALL DRESSED TO THE TENS.
ON STAGE LEFT IS THE HOST,CHLOE COUTURE,HOLDING A MIC IN
HER HAND.

CHLOE COUTURE
Welcome to pop the balloon or find love.
Im your host,chloe couture, and today we have
a few beautiful baddies here With us looking
to find the [Link] IT UP FOR OUR FIRST CONTESTANT!!

A YOUNG MAN WITH A FURCOAT, HEADPHONES, AND DJ SET WALKS IN ON

STAGE.
CHLOE COUTURE
And who are we here with today?

DJTHATVJ
My name is Dontholomew Jefferson the III. But I go
By DJThatVJ.

CHLOE COUTURE
Oh okay… and age, where you from, and
occupation?

DJTHATVJ
I'm 35 years old. I'm from New Jersey, and
Well my occupation is in the name itself…
If you know you know( winks at the camera)
Sometimes im a party promoter by day, an eater
( sticks out his tongue)
and a licensed scammer by night.
( he whips out his party flyer from his coat)
I also am an upcoming Soundcloud
Rapper. Follow me @djthatvjay you already know.

ALL THE CONTESTANTS START TO SWOON. NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THEM POP
THEIR BALLOON.

1
 CHLOE COUTURE
(shock on her face)
Well it looks like none of our contestants
Have popped their balloons…so DJTHATVJ, you
Get the pin and decide who you want to pick.

DJTHEVJ TAKES THE PIN TO POP EACH BALLOON, MUMBLING THE WORDS
SMASH OR PASS( MOSTLY ANSWERING PASS UNTIL HE REACHES A
CONTENDER WEARING AN ADIDAS HAT AND POWDERY MAKEUP KINDA
RESEMBLES FLASHBACK MARY.

CHLOE COUTURE
And what is your name,age, and occupation?

MARY
IM MARY, IM 25 years old, and im a
ghost therapist.

CHLOE COUTURE
And DjThatVj why didnt you pop Mary’s balloon?

DJTHATVJ PULLS MARY IN AND TWIRLS HER AROUND. HE STARTS

SERENADING HER ON HIS DJ SET. SHE BLUSHES.

DJTHATVJ
( his words become rap bars)
Cause she could be the muse,
the Bonnie to my Clyde, and
I wanna take you on this magic carpet ride.
( He grabs her hand and the two run away together)

CHLOE COUTURE
Okay… Well, let's give it up for our next single contest.

2
A MAN WEARING A TUXEDO ENTERS ON STAGE AS OR NAH BY THE WEEKND
PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.

CHLOE COUTURE
Okay.. and your name, age, occupation and
What are you looking for in a partner?

CHRISTIAN GREY
Im Christian Grey, 28. I’m a boyfriend asmr narrator,
And I also am the CEO of a smut writing company.
( he keeps his head down and starts mogging. He does the eyebrow
smolder thingy)

What I'm looking for in a partner is…

someone to dominate because
I dont make love, I fuck-

HALF OF THE CONTENDERS START POPPING THEIR BALLOONS EXCEPT FOR

ONE WHO STARTS INTERRUPTING LOUDLY BY MAKING RANDOM UWU NOISES.

CHLOE COUTURE
Umm.. contender over there… Are you okay?

CHRISTIAN GREY
( he points)
Them.

CHLOE HAS A QUESTIONABLE LOOK ON THEIR FACE. CHRISTIAN’S EYES

GAZE ON THE SHY CONTENDER AS HE WALKS OVER TO THEM, WITH THEIR
MESSY BUN AND BANGS COVERING THEIR FACE.

CHLOE COUTURE
And what is your name?

Y/N
( a noise like eek comes out of their mouth)
My name is Y/N
( breaks out into monologue)

3
 There he was.. His eyes lingering on mine like we were
Destined to be. Like he wanted me and only me.

CHLOE COUTURE
Uh who are you .. talking to?

CHRISTIAN’S GAZE GROWS STRONGER. HE STARTS TO GROWL AND INCH

CLOSER TO THEM.
Y/N
( she howls back at him and starts monologuing again)
This was fate. He was my true Alpha.

THE TWO LOCK EYES AND PET EACH OTHER WITH THEIR HEADS. THEY THEN
RUN OFF INTO THE MOONLIGHT.

CHLOE COUTURE
Well umm.. Okay. Moving on, now. Let’s
Bring out our last contest.

A PERSON WALKS IN WITH A SHORT BOB AND ITS FYE ( FIRE). THEY
KINDA RESEMBLE LORD FARQUAAD. THEY ARE WEARING SPANDEX,
SUNGLASSES, AND A BACKWARDS HAT. THEY WALK IN WITH A SPEAKER
PLAYING WGFT BY GUNNA. CHLOE FREEZES DROPS HER MICROPHONE WHEN
THEY WALK IN.
GUNTHER
( in a thick frat bro accent)
What up my sexy huzz-

CHLOE COUTURE
(ang
What the fuck are you doing here, Gunther?

GUNTHER
( in a thick frat bro accent)
Yoo chill, can’t a white boy just vibe and get
Some play…

CHLOE COUTURE

4
 Not when he's broke, a liar, and a [Link]
Still lives in his parents basement at his big age.

GUNTHER
Look chloe…shawty a lot of those things
May be true. Yes I microcheated
But i didn’t cheat..and i swear she was
just my cousin third twice removed.
You got understand the life of
Kappa Theta Frappe Chai-

CHLOE COUTURE
( chloe starts to take of her shoes)

Cut the [Link].

ITS ABOUT TO GET ACTIVE

THE REMAINING COUPLES COME BACK ON STAGE AND STAND IN THE LINE
ALONGSIDE THE REMAINDER OF SINGLE CONTENDERS. CHLOE COUTURE
STARTS BEATING GUNTHER. HIS WIG FLIES OFF THE STAGE. THE
AUDIENCE CLAPS.

END OF SCENE.

5
6
STINKY
BUTT
SKETCH
THE GIRLIE PROJECT - 3/5/26 SHOW
written By
The Girlie Project
 WWHLWIACBOTOMAWAWTFLOLATASEPRCIGAEHFATILITAPRNL!

INT. BRAVO CLUB HOUSE - DAY

The host, ANDY COHEN, sits playing w fidget spinner center
stage. A loveseat sit on either side of him. He throws it
away and says...
ANDY
Oh, I didn't see you there. Welcome
everyone, I'm Andy Cohen and this
is 'Watch what happens live when I,
Andy Cohen bring on two or more
angry women and watch them fight
lol and then act surprised
exclamation point rainbow cause I'm
gay and everyone has filler and
this is live in technicolor and
pre-recorded not live!'And Joining
us today are some of your favorite
trouble makers from all of your
favorite reality TV shows. First
up, come on out ABBY LEE MILLER and
CATHY SOMETHING-WHATEVER.
ABBY and CATHY (50s, older with too much lipstick on) walk
out on stage. Cathy pushes Abby onto the ground near the
couches. Cathy laughs.
CATHY
Uhm, my name is Cathy Nesbitt-Stein
ANDY
Woah-
ABBY
Don't push me! Is this about
VeeVee? So what I called your
daughter roadkill. Get over it,
lady!
CATHY
At least I have a daughter,
whatever happened to your dog,
Broadway baby, huh?
ANDY
Ok, keep it cordial ladies! Let's
get down to brass tacks!
ABBY and CATHY sit across each other on the couches.
 2.

CATHY
Abby's gonna keep it all a buck!
That's what she did on her show
after all.
ABBY
Well Cathy, second is always the
first to lose and guess what you
were!
CATHY
Well even if I was first it would
be hard to see me behind you!
ANDY
Oh-kay ladies! First question from
Lisa in California, Abby do you
think Cathy is a bad dance teacher?
CATHY
Ah!
ABBY
Well I am not sure I would call her
a good one.
CATHY
The Candy Apple trophies don't lie!
ANDY
What do you think about Abby's
teaching, Cathy?

CATHY
Well,
CATHY CONT'D
(clicks tongue)
I am not sure I am a fan. That's
why so many girls from her company
have transferred to mine. Abby Lee
Miller more like Abby Lee Killer...
OF DREAMS!
ABBY
Everyone's replaceable.
CATHY
Have they said that about your dog?
Abby lunges at Cathy
ABBY
I WILL KILL YOU!
 3.

Two people come from backstage and try to hold Abby back.
CATHY
(unbothered)
Oh, don't we get posh!
ABBY
Leave my baby out of this.
ANDY
Oh-kay Oh-kay ladies! Next
question. Also from Lisa in
California. Abby do you-
ABBY
Who is this Lisa and why does she
have so many questions?
ANDY
Well since you asked... why don't
we bring her out?
ABBY
What?
Lisa Rinna walks onstage and hugs Andy
LISA
It's Lisa Fuckin Rinna
BAYBAYYYYYYYYYYYYY
ANDY
Let's welcome Lisa Rinna from The
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
onto 'Watch what happens live when
I, Andy Cohen bring on two or more
angry women and watch them fight
lol and then act surprised
exclamation point rainbow cause I'm
gay and everyone has filler and
this is live in technicolor and
pre-recorded not live!'
Lisa scoots Abby out of the way and sits closer to Andy
LISA
It's an honor to be here Andy.
ANDY
So, First off-
ABBY
Hello? Are we done?
 4.

CATHY
I was told the episode was only for
us.
ANDY
Well you two -
Lisa puts a finger to Andy's lips and shushes him.
LISA
When Andy told me you two were
coming on I had to make an
appearance! I am the BIGGEST fan of
Dance Moms!
ANDY
So obviously -
LISA
Andy.
(She puts her finger to
his lips again.)
These lips. Me talk.
ABBY
Okay lady I am not sure who you
are, but I am about done.
(Abby tries to get up but
falls to the ground)
CATHY
(Pointing and laughing)
HA!
LISA
Oh bee bee, you don't want to leave
so soon.
(She tsks and stands over
Abby)
We have a surprise for you!
Lisa waves her hand and a gaggle of women come on stage
arguing.
LISA CONT'D
Heres Melissa, Kelly, Christi,
Holly and Jill!
ABBY
(Screaming)
NO NO NO!!!!
Light go down.
Live studio audience: “CAN! YOU! HOST!”

ANNE
Hello, everyone! I’m your host, Anne
Enema, and welcome back to ​
“Can You Host?”. Tonight’s show is
brought to you by Grindr. If you want
Tinder with some sparkle and poop, try
Grindr today. The rules are simple: I’m
going to bring out three guests, and
we’re going to see if we’ll make it off
Grindr and into my dirty twin XL
sheets. Our first contestant gave me an
AIDS scare, please welcome “DL 22
Trans?”

DL 22 TRANS comes out in a hoodie covering his

face.

​ ​ DL 22 TRANS
What’s up?
​ ​
​ ​ ANNE
Oh, can you just come out from under
there? ​

​ ​ DL 22 TRANS
Noooooo nononono, I’m like, reaaaaally
chopped underneath.
​
​ ​ ANNE
Fair. So, “DL 22 Trans”, what made you
comment on my profile?

​ ​ DL 22 TRANS
Your personality.

They burst out laughing.

​ ​ ​ ​ ANNE
​ ​ Oh, that’s a good one!

​ ​ ​ ​ DL 22 TRANS
​ ​ Yeah, it was your penis, mostly!

ANNE
You know, I figured, since you asked me
37 times to send a photo of it.

​ ​ DL 22 TRANS
What? You can’t have a shield without a
sword!

​ ​ ANNE
Alright, judges, can he host?

SOUND: WRONG BUZZER

​ ​
​ ​ ​ ​ ANNE
​ ​ So sorry, DL 22 TRANS?, so close.

DL 22 TRANS leaves.

​ ​ ​ ​ ANNE
Our next guest is someone I’ve gotten
to know a little too well, it’s Larry!

BUSINESS LARRY walks out.

​ ​ ​ ​ ANNE
Now Larry, we work at the same
accounting firm together. In the middle
of the work day, I got a message from
you on Grindr. I found out what your
wife, penis, and asshole look like in
the break room. Why’d you do that?

BUSINESS LARRY​
Well, I’ve had a crush on you for a
little bit, but was too shy to tell you
 in person. I saw you on Grindr and
figured I’d shoot my shot.

​ ​ ANNE
That’s so sweet. Will you read me the
message you sent me?

​ BUSINESS LARRY
“I’m glad you didn’t tuck. I love
seeing that hog swing around.”

​ ​ ​ ​ ANNE
​ ​ Right. Why’d you say that?
​
​ ​ ​ ​ BUSINESS LARRY
​ ​ ‘Cause honey…

He pulls down his sunglasses.

​ ​ ​ ​
​ ​ ​ ​ BUSINESS LARRY (CONT.)
​ ​ Every hog needs a farmer.

He snorts.

ANNE
Compelling argument. So… Can he host?

SOUND: WRONG BUZZER

​ ​
​ ​ ​ ​ ANNE
THANK GOD, I really didn’t know how
that one was gonna go. But I have a
clue with this next one: It’s “TS FUN”

TS Fun walks out.

​ ​ ​ ​ ANNE
​ ​ Ok, TS Fun, introduce yourself.

​ ​ ​ ​ TS FUN
 Well, I’m a really rough 18, I’m
somewhere between Kurt and Rachel, and
I will give you the best head you’ve
ever gotten.

​ ​ ​ ​ ANNIE
​ ​ I don’t know, Business Larry looked
like he would suck it off the bone.

​ ​ ​ ​ TS FUN
​ ​ Let me tell you about “Larry”. His name
isn’t Larry: It’s Jerry. And Jerry? He’s scary.
And his wife is fine now, but the guilt will
creep in when you remember he has a daughter. And
one day, you’ll have a daughter, and you’ll look
at her, and all you’ll see is Business Larry. And
his four incher.
​ ​
​ ​ ​ ​ ANNIE
​ ​ FOUR INCHES?

​ ​ ​ ​ TS FUN
​ ​ Yeah, girl. It’s trenches.

​ ​ ​ ​ ANNIE
​ ​ I’m scared, TS FUN, what if I like you…
too much.

​ ​ ​ ​ TS FUN
​ ​ I’ll do what I always do: Put on some
Hazbin Hotel, show you my manga collection, and
get scared when you touch me.

​ ​ ​ ​
​ ​ ​ ​ ANNIE
​ ​ And honestly? I can do that. So, the
question is, can you host?

SOUND: DING DING DING!

​ ​ ​ ​ ANNIE
​ ​ Well that’s our show! Join us next
week, where we’ll be going through John
Travolta’s Grindr account. See you next time!

“Top me, give me that swollen

transgender pussy” ​
PET
UNICORN
VIDEO
SKETCH
THE GIRLIE PROJECT - 3/5/26 SHOW
written By
The Girlie Project
 MIFFY AD (VIDEO SKETCH) ONE

INT. PARAMOUNT 5TH FLOOR, GREEN SCREEN - DAY

NARRATOR (20s, bubbly) stands front facing.
NARRATOR
This cutie is your next best
friend! She's the bunny you know
and love! It's Miffy!
GIULIA (dressed as Miffy) skips in a small circle.

NARRATOR (CONT'D)
She loves exploring and playing
with her friends! And now...she's
growing up!
MIFFY and FRIENDS (other GIRLIES dressed as animals) playing
and dancing.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Introducing...Miffy all grown up!
She's the same fun-loving bunny you
know, except now she's trying on
the real world!
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
This all new Miffy surprise pack
includes real life fun like...Miffy
hungover!
Miffy throws up aggressively.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Miffy publicly urinating
Miffy pisses in a corner publicly (maybe her FRIENDS from
earlier are standing nearby reacting.)
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Miffy trys polyamory!
Miffy is with two friends (they are other little animals
maybe like a puppy and a pig or something, also scary
looking).
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Miffy doing a line!
Miffy does a line lol
 2.

NARRATOR (CONT'D)
AND for a limited time only, order
Miffy's accessories! Add Miffy's
toilet to your cart to accompany
"Miffy takes a dump!"
Miffy painfully squeezes out a turd. The turd is cutesy!
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
OR try out some super fly
sunglasses to protect Miffy from
the harsh fluorescents of her 8AM
on Friday!
Miffy walks into class completely disheveled, sunglasses on.
She throws up again.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Miffy's creators have also dreamt
up her very own prescription
bottles to accompany Miffy's
Adderall dependency!
Miffy opens a pill bottle, and nothing comes out. She
desperately shakes the bottle, hoping another pill will
miraculously appear.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
AND you can now purchase always
maxi ultra max pads and super jumbo
tampons for Miffy's six-week long
period post IUD insertion! U know
she got a heavy ass flow.
Miffy's in stirrups, screaming bloody hell
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Cheers to safe sex!!
Miffy turns around, on top of one of the animals from earlier
(Maybe it's the PIG), she has pink smeared across her face.
She looks startled.
END.
 3.

MIFFY AD (VIDEO SKETCH) TWO

INT. PARAMOUNT 5TH FLOOR, GREEN SCREEN - DAY

The Same NARRATOR (20s, bubbly, Zoe) stands front facing.
NARRATOR
Uh Oh! Here come's Miffy! What's
she up to now?
GIULIA (dressed as Miffy, she looks scarier. She's older
now.) fades in
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Introducing...Miffy: She's old now.
Miffy gets rlly crazy conspiracy theorist freak loser insane
adult....
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Which Miffy: She's old now will you
unbox? Is it Miffy shopping for
diapers?
Miffy shops for adult diapers.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
It's ok Miffy, bladder control is a
waste of time!
Miffy pees herself.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Maybe you'll find Miffy at her
computer! What's she researching
now?!
Miffy sits at a computer, the search bar says something to
the effect of "moon landing debunked, shadows off" or if we
have a better idea that too!
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
OR unwrap a Miffy to reveal what
she was doing on January 6th!
Spoilerrrr: it is not good.
Miffy is preparing to storm the capital (or maybe we can
poorly photoshop miffy into a photo ❤)
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Oops! What's Miffy doing here?
Miffy is shouting at a group of children
 4.

NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Miffy yelling at those dirty rotten
street youths!
Or maybe you'll pull the surprise
Miffy! Miffy gambles and get your
very own scratch off!
Miffy is betting on horse races, playing poker, and/or
surrounded by scratch offs
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Oh Miffy! Don't be sad, Miffy!
NEIGHslayer will do better next
time!
Miffy walks, head down, beat, sad.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Life alert, sucker candies, and
adult diapers sold separately.
End.
 5.

INT. THE JUDEE, NIGHT (ITS OUR SHOW LOLZ)

This one especially is open to any and all changes and
improvements, we can keep workshopping to make ultra funny!!👅

Zoe stands center, she's the same bubbly, fun-loving narrator

from the videos.
NARRATOR
Now you know Miffy! She's funny
loving, experimental, old as fuck
now, a little terrifying, but what
a cutie?! Now we're catering to
you! That's right, YOU! Yes you in
the (...point to someone in the
audience) and you (point at someone
else) and me! And all of us! Yes,
that's right! Introducing the Miffy
at Emerson Collection!
The GIRLIES walk on with a big cardboard box (human sized
ideally) for MIFFY to come out of.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Treat yourself to a surprise box
and get you're favorite deli
worker!
A girlie comes on wearing a apron, sandwich in hand, the rest
of the girlies onstage ooo and ahhh
DELI GIRLIE
Hey mamma!
The deli worker winks and poses (think chorus line intro
vibe)
NARRATOR
Or if you're feeling cool maybe
you'll get a cooooollll smoker. Ooo
wow soo cool wow look at them ooo.
A girlie turns around mogging, aura maxxing smoking, poses
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Or maybe you'll get the only thing
you'll ever be proud of...JENNIFER
COOLIDGE
A girlie dressed a jenny cool turns around, poses
 6.

GIRLIE JENNIFER COOLIDGE

I’m taking the dog, dumbass OR
These gays, they're trying to
murder me! OR It makes me want a
hot dog real bad
NARRATOR
Maybe you'll unbox you're favorite
gay!
A girlie dressed up real gay comes out, poses
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Unbox the classic theatre kid freak
loser....oh wait. Wait. That's just
Nate oaks...
A girlie dressed as Nate Oaks comes on and emotes.
GIRLIE NATE OAKS
Me Nate!
NARRATOR
Feeling lonely? We have the perfect
guy for you! It's the baseball
fuckboy
Girlie Fuckboy comes out humping air and shit, poses
GIRLIE FUCKBOY
I may be D3 but i'm D1 in bed
mamacita.
NARRATOR
Or, if you're really lucky, you'll
unbox the ultra rare, super
legendary, fantasmic, orgasmic,
MIFFY MAKES GIRLIE
The scary miffy comes out of the box in a GIRLIE hoodie
ALL
AND THAT'S OUR SHOW!!!!
7.