Tasks of Mourning

After a death, survivors are left to face the pain of grief, and a new world without their loved
one. Mourning is the process of adapting to loss through the completion of four tasks.

Keep in mind that adapting doesn’t mean forgetting—it means finding a way to cherish the memories
of a loved one, while continuing to move forward in life. It means adjusting to a world without the
deceased, while holding a place for them in your heart.

Task 1: Accept the reality of the loss.

After a death, it’s common that the reality of the situation is minimized or denied. To complete this
task, the reality of the loss must be fully accepted, both intellectually and emotionally.

Task 2: Process the pain of grief.

Grief involves painful emotions such as sadness, anger, and guilt. It can be tempting to avoid
these feelings, burying them rather than facing them. However, working through grief means
confronting, naming, and making sense of these emotions.

Task 3: Adjust to a world without the deceased.

The death of a loved one will usually bring about a number of life changes. These can range from
minor changes in daily routines, to the adoption of an entirely new worldview. The third task is
about navigating these changes and adjusting to the world without the loved one.

Internal adjustments are changes to one’s identity. Survivors may have to answer the question,
“Who am I now?” They may also experience changes to self-esteem.

External adjustments include taking on new roles and developing new skills. Survivors may have
to take on the tasks that were handled by their loved one, such as cooking and childcare.

Spiritual adjustments are changes to beliefs, values, and assumptions about the world. For
example, a belief that “the world is fair” might change after a loss. The survivor may choose to
reaffirm, modify, or replace their previous worldview.

Task 4: Find a way to remember the deceased while moving forward in life.
Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. It means finding a place for the deceased in one’s thoughts—
a place that is important but still leaves room for others. Completing this task means finding a
healthy balance between cherishing their memory and moving forward in life.

© 2020 Therapist Aid LLC Provided by [Link]

 What are Panic Attacks?
Panic attacks are brief periods of overwhelming fear or anxiety. The intensity of a panic attack goes well
beyond normal anxiety, and can include a number of physical symptoms. During panic attacks, people
often fear that they are having a heart attack, they cannot breathe, or they are dying.

Symptoms of a Panic Attack

Note: A panic attack does not need to include all of the symptoms listed below.
 Pounding or racing heart  Breathing difficulties
 Sweating  Sense of terror, or impending doom or death
 Trembling or shaking  Chest pain or discomfort
 Fear of “going crazy”  Nausea
 Feeling of being detached from reality  Fear of dying

Panic Attack Facts

Panic attacks may feel scary, but they don’t actually cause physical harm. The most common
fears associated with panic attacks (having a heart attack or fainting) are not actually a threat.

Panic attacks are usually brief but intense. The symptoms of panic typically peak within 10
minutes, and end within 30 minutes. However, some lingering symptoms can last over an hour.

Panic attacks can seem to occur randomly, or they can be closely linked to a specific source of
anxiety such as driving, crowded places, or simply leaving home.

Panic disorder occurs when a person has frequent worry or fear of future panic attacks, or when
they change their behavior in order to avoid attacks (such as avoiding a feared situation).

How are Panic Attacks Treated?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Exposure Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a During exposure therapy, the patient is
common and well-supported treatment for intentionally exposed to the symptoms of panic
panic attacks and panic disorder. CBT works by in a safe environment. As exposure continues,
identifying and changing unhealthy thinking the symptoms become more familiar and less
patterns that trigger panic attacks. The terrifying. Exposure therapy may also involve
benefits of CBT can be long-lasting. gradual exposure to feared situations.

Medication Relaxation Techniques

Medication for panic attacks can act as a Much like how muscles become stronger with
short-term treatment for severe cases. exercise, the body’s relaxation response can be
Because medication does not treat the improved with practice. Frequent use of
underlying issues that cause panic disorders, it relaxation techniques such as deep breathing,
should be accompanied by another form of meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation
treatment such as psychotherapy. can help to combat panic attacks.

© 2015 Therapist Aid LLC Provided by [Link]

 Cognitive Distortions
Cognitive distortions are irrational thoughts that can influence your emotions. Everyone
experiences cognitive distortions to some degree, but in their more extreme forms they
can be harmful.

Magnification and Minimization: Exaggerating or minimizing the importance of

events. One might believe their own achievements are unimportant, or that their
mistakes are excessively important.

Catastrophizing: Seeing only the worst possible outcomes of a situation.

Overgeneralization: Making broad interpretations from a single or few events. “I felt

awkward during my job interview. I am always so awkward.”

Magical Thinking: The belief that acts will influence unrelated situations. “I am a
good person—bad things shouldn’t happen to me.”

Personalization: The belief that one is responsible for events outside of their own
control. “My mom is always upset. She would be fine if I did more to help her.”

Jumping to Conclusions: Interpreting the meaning of a situation with little or no

evidence.

Mind Reading: Interpreting the thoughts and beliefs of others without adequate
evidence. “She would not go on a date with me. She probably thinks I’m ugly.”

Fortune Telling: The expectation that a situation will turn out badly without
adequate evidence.

Emotional Reasoning: The assumption that emotions reflect the way things really
are. “I feel like a bad friend, therefore I must be a bad friend.”

Disqualifying the Positive: Recognizing only the negative aspects of a situation while
ignoring the positive. One might receive many compliments on an evaluation, but focus
on the single piece of negative feedback.

“Should” Statements: The belief that things should be a certain way. “I should always
be friendly.”

All-or-Nothing Thinking: Thinking in absolutes such as “always”, “never”, or “every”.

“I never do a good enough job on anything.”

© 2012 Therapist Aid LLC Provided by [Link]

 Thinking Errors

Ignoring the Good. You pay more attention to bad things, and
ignore when something good happens.

examples:
• You get one answer wrong on a long test, and all you can think
about is the mistake.
• You score two goals in your soccer game, but all you can think
about is the shot you missed.

Blowing Things Up. Making a really big deal out of something

small, or making something a little bit bad seem like the worst
thing ever.
examples:
• You get a stain on your new shoes and you think they’re ruined and
can’t be worn anymore.
• “I’m not allowed to see my friends on Friday. My life is horrible!”

Fortune Telling. Thinking you know what will happen in the

future, and that it will be bad.

examples:
• “I know if I ask her to the dance she’s going to say no.”
• “I bet no one will come to my birthday party.”

© 2018 Therapist Aid LLC 1 Provided by [Link]

 Thinking Errors

Mind Reading. Believing you know what someone else is

thinking, or why they are doing something, without having
enough information.
examples:
• “People are looking at me. They probably think my shirt is ugly.”
• “Emma didn’t invite me to her party. I bet she thinks I’m weird.”

Negative Labeling. Having a negative belief about yourself and

thinking it applies to everything you do.

examples:
• “I’m a loser so my artwork stinks.”
• “I’m so stupid. Everything I say is dumb.”

Setting the Bar Too High. Thinking that you must be perfect in
everything you do, otherwise you’re no good.

examples:
• “If I don’t get an A on every test, I’m not smart.”
• “I have to win every tennis match I play, otherwise I’m worthless.”

© 2018 Therapist Aid LLC 2 Provided by [Link]

 Thinking Errors

Self-blaming. Blaming yourself for anything that goes wrong

around you, even if you had nothing to do with it.

examples:
• When your basketball team loses a game, you think it’s entirely
your fault.
• “Alicia is sad today. I probably did something to upset her.”

Feelings as Facts. Believing that if you feel something, it must

be true.

examples:
• “I feel ugly, so I must be ugly.”
• “I feel like I’m a bad friend, so I must be a bad friend.”

“Should” Statements. Believing things have to be a certain way.

examples:
• “People should always be nice to me.”
• “I should always be happy. I should never be sad.”

© 2018 Therapist Aid LLC 3 Provided by [Link]