SELF-REGULATION
• Self-regulation is the ability to manage our internal feelings, thoughts and emotions and to abide by our
individual, self-chosen value system.
• Self-regulation is important in handling our emotions, disappointments and failures.
• It is the choice we exercise as an individual.
• It is not about suppressing our feelings, but rather managing them effectively.
Lack of Unhappiness
Impulsive Ineffective
self-regulatio Sore relationship
action behaviour Ill health
n
Emotions Self-regulation Paradigm
Effective Happiness
Considered Effective
self-regulatio Good relationship
action behaviour Good health
n
Managing Emotions
“Our life is an outcome of the way we manage our stimulus and choices we make.” – Dr. Stephen R Covey
• Self-regulation and choices: No matter how challenging the situation is, humans have the freedom to choose.
Making the right choice is determined by how we see the circumstances and create meaning out of it. This is the
ultimate freedom of being human.
• This indicates the ability to make prudent choices in the most difficult situations in life, i.e. the ability to make
positive and constructive choices particularly when we have no control over the circumstances.
• The other option is to be a victim of circumstances, exhibited through behaviours such as blaming, criticising and
complaining.
• People with low self-regulation fall prey to drug and alcohol addiction.
• The combination of understanding our emotions (self-awareness) and subsequently managing our responses is
challenging.
Emotional Firewall
• In the computer language, a firewall is a system designed to prevent unauthorized access to a private
network. Self-regulation is the emotional firewall for humans.
• It protects us from the onslaught of meteoric assault.
• It is created by striking a balance between rationality and emotions.
• The emotional firewall is a method that evaluates all stimuli reaching our sensory organs and regulates
them.
Negative Emotional Clash and Positive
Emotions Counter
When interacting with people, if their negative emotions are countered by our own negative emotional
reactions, it leads to conflict, stress, anxiety and sorrow for all concerned. But when we learn to respond
with positive emotions when faced with a negative one, it changes the whole perspective.
Postponement of Instant Gratification
• A study conducted showed that people who waited for a while to get higher rewards performed better in
all walks of life, as compared to those who could not resist temptation.
• Postponement of an emotional response is often seen as a sign of weakness, but when we hear about
successful achievers in any profession – be it sports, business or fine arts – the common mantra of
success is hard work, focus, commitment, dedication and sacrifice. These traits are a reflection of
effective self-regulation.
Competition Not Good
• Throughout our lives it is drilled into our head that we need to compete in order to succeed.
• The other paradigm that will help us get ahead of the pack is to create something new – the untrodden
path – and carve our own space.
• This profound thought, is not only confined to our organizational strategy, but also applies to individuals.
Emotional Agility
• Effective people do not succumb to or try to suppress their inner thoughts.
• Instead they deal with their thoughts in a conscious, value-based, productive manner, which is called
emotional agility.
• Emotional agility helps us manage stress, minimize challenges and be more creative, which in turn leads
to better performance in all walks of life.
• Managing emotional responses has three major steps: being aware of emotions, understanding emotions
and modifying responses.
• Thinking process is divided into two types: (i) Fast, emotional and intuitive and (ii) Slow, deliberate and
logical.
Building Emotional Agility
Recognise Label your
thoughts Accept Act on
your
patterns and them your
emotions values
Value Dictionary
Accuracy Duty Knowledge
Achievement Family Leisure Responsibility
Authority Forgiveness Mastery Risk
Autonomy Friendship Moderation Safety
Caring Fun Non-conformity Self-knowledge
Challenge Generosity Openness
Service
Comfort Growth Order
Compassion Health Passion Simplicity
Contribution Helpfulness Popularity Stability
Cooperation Integrity Power Tolerance
Courtesy Humility Purpose Tradition
Creativity Humour Rationality Wealth
Dependability Justice Realism
Value Filter
• During the process of self-regulation, we are responding to the stimulus from the environment. If the
component of self-regulation is high, we tend to use the filter of our value system as we respond.
• With weak self-regulation, the chances of breaching the value filter is high.
• If the stimulus is not in control of our emotional responses, we are inclined to breach the value filter. In
less challenging situations, we might respond on the basis of our value system. But if there is lack of
self-regulation, the value system is most likely to be bypassed.
Salient Points
• Self-regulation is the ability to manage our internal thoughts, emotions and feelings on the basis of our value
system.
• A major outcome of self-regulation is maintaining focus on our goals.
• Monitoring and managing emotions are two main aspects of self-regulation.
• Self-regulation requires us to re-wire our brains through repeated, disciplined practice to form a habit.
• An emotional firewall protects us from the onslaught of emotional triggers through our senses.
• The lack of self-regulation compels us to display negative emotions.
• Self-regulation helps us to respond positively to a negative situation, unleashing the potential to change the source
of emotions.
• Postponement of instant gratification is an important component of EI.
• Building emotional agility involves 4 steps, namely recognizing patterns, labelling thoughts, accepting them and
acting on values.