Chapter 2

Morning was full of jitters. She felt bit nausea while travelling to office. During the whole journey her
mind raised all sort of doubts about the action she is about to take. Even though she reached the office
but still her mind was contemplating the issue. She pressed the lift button and stood next to it waiting
for its arrival. She felt a voice from behind which brought her back to the reality. She turned around and
saw a elderly man dressed in simple attire smiling at her. He pointed towards the lift and she noticed the
lift is about to be closed. She jumped inside and held the door for him. He smiled at her and in a very
warm tone said, “This is just the beginning of the day and you are lost. World is a mean place and you
have to be strong.”

Those words kept revolving in her head and suddenly there were no doubts. She took a deep breath and
stepped into her boss’s cabin. Boss was a middle aged man of medium stature with large brown and an
intense look on his. Despite the cold look he always had, he was easy to talk to but today the air in the
cabin was dense. He was engrossed in file, so she sat their waiting for him to finish.

She said in a bleak tone, “Sir, the credit proposal we received yesterday has some major issues.”

Before she could utter a word he gave him a stern look. A chill ran down her spine and but still she
continued. “Sir, there are some transactions in the company which do not relate to its core activity. I
think the company is diverting funds.” With this she handed over some papers in which the entries
were marked to substantiate her point. At this the boss started studying the papers. The environment in
the cabin turned very serious. This boasted her confidence and she continued. At one point it felt as if
she is vomiting everything she accumulated overnight. Boss kept hearing patiently and at the end
looked at her. After a few moments of silence he replied in his heavy voice “If you have any issues in the
proposal, prepare queries and seek explanation from the borrower”.

Sonia was expecting immediate disposal of the proposal, this kind of reaction startled her. She had been
struggling with the issue and in one sentence he dismissed such a crucial agenda. She almost froze in her
seat. Then boss interrupted and asked her to leave. She went to her desk and started drafting all the
observations she had. Even though her hands were typing on key board yet her mind was in a different
zone. Things are so obvious in the proposal even a kid could understand yet the boss wants to play
question and answer.

Bank has this annoying culture of delaying things. Normal definition of TAT is not meant for a sarkari
banker. Top Management is paid solely to take decisions yet that was the last thing they do. Nobody
wants to take responsibility of a rejection or a sanction. Every boss is concerned with only one thing
“How to save your skin”. When Sonia heard this phrase for the first time, it felt weird and she dismissed
it casually. Today she realized the value of the phrase. Even if the boss wants to reject the proposal he
won’t take any responsibility. She did not concur with this attitude. She was a girl who has learnt
everything from the book but the reality was far from it. Now she was facing the other side of the coin.

Moment things turned sour, she realized that the corporate culture goes into drain and what matters is
to find out who is the man behind the show. If the person is strong enough the proposal will sail through
despite the credit worthiness else it will be dumped. All the lending rules went for a toss and papers
were made to fit in the criteria.

But she wasn’t willing to compromise so she prepared the questionnaire with extra caution and was
very confident that no one would be able to answer positively. Boss would have no choice but to stand
firmly against the lending decision. She read the queries and finally hit the sent button. She kept that
proposal aside. She was confident about the outcome and this gave her a feeler that her professional life
was again sorted and now was the time to look into the mess she had in her personal life.

Personal life issues were nothing out of the blue. It was something every Indian girl face when moving
out of her home. Even though Sonia was able to convince her parents to let her work in the big city but
still they could not shun their inhibitions about living alone. The major contributor to their reluctance
are the news channel. The negativity in the city is so hyped that any outsider can feel insecure for their
daughter. She had no option but to compromise with the situation and adjust with the relatives. The
place was far away from office and she would usually spend 2 hours commuting one side. Commuting on
public transports was nothing less than a marathon. An invisible clock was always banging on her head.
The red lights would haunt her like a demon and she would curse the driver. Despite leaving so early for
the office she would sometime reach just a minute or two late. The roads are jammed, trains are halting
without reason but the biometric wasn’t willing to understand. That one crucial minute which brought
her on the other side of the arrival would haunt her for days. Sometimes it felt that the only aim in life is
to reach on time and leave early. Though it was frustrating to waste so much time in commuting but she
was doing all this so that her parents are comforted and relieved that their daughter has reached home
and will be safe.

She would generally reach home by 8:30 at night. The job and the commute had consumed her
completely and by the time she reaches home, she is completely drained of energy. Her life appears to
be distressed but this was the norm for people living in the big city. Initially she had surrendered to the
lifestyle but eventually she felt the need to have her own space and some moments with herself. After
life was sorted in the office she focused herself to make personal life better. She started going to the
park for thirty minutes. That was maximum she could arrange but it was like nirvana.

At home she spent most of her time with her maternal grandmother (nani). The affection and warmth
she use to get from her nani never let her feel home sick. Other members of the house had not much
interest in her and vice versa. They would only be interested in gossip she would generate, rest there
wasn’t anything much. Anyways she would have her dinner and sleep, waiting for the next morning to
again start the marathon.

For an outsider her life may seem so boring but she use to have her moments of fun. She use to travel
by local train wherein there were people of Even though she has a very hectic daily routine but despite
that she used to be a very loud and chirpy character. Every once in a while she would burst into laughter
with her colleagues. Her voice was loud enough that it would echo in all the corners of the office. The
people in her department were of her age and they use to enjoy but the oldies elsewhere were annoyed
by this.
The general staff composition consisted of most of the staff above the age fifty. For them her loudness
was too much to bear. She was never bothered by this and continued to be the way she was. She would
just enjoy herself. No matter how much tensed the work environment seem to be she was indifferent
until one fine she received a special email.

The email was reply to the queries sent by her for that controversial proposal. She had thought the
sending answers to that questionnaire would next to impossible but to her surprise not only she
received answers rather very meticulously drafted positive answers. It was beyond her expectation. She
felt panic rising in her. She took the print out and rushed in the boss cabin. Boss was in no mood to hear
her. It seems that he already knew about the email and was prepared for the reaction. The moment she
informed about the mail he instantly replied in a cool tone, “ your job is to assemble the facts and
present them for decision making. There is an entire committee to take decision. You please restrict to
your own work profile.”

She was devastated by the statement. She use to believe that her role in the organization is very
important but this event made her realize that she is nothing more than a postman. She thought about
the whole situation for a while and decided that she will ensure that all her observations are
incorporated in the proposal. She started working and it was as if she wants to take revenge with the
proposal to demean her position from a appraisal authority to a mere postman.

Next day she completed the note and presented it to her boss. After reading the entire note he got
furious and called her to the cabin. The moment she entered he yelled at her “Do you really want to
work here or not. If yes then do as I say else be ready for transfer to the toughest place possible.”

Sonia shivered in fear and with moist eyes she came got back to her seat. Transfer was an effective tool
to create fear in the employees and the management knew how to use. Sonia knew that transfer from
one place to another has no definite rule. She has witnessed many cases where her colleague is out of
the blue transferred to some remote location where they don’t even know the language. The
conversation with boss was like a trauma. For days she remained silent in office. At home also she was
confined to herself and no one was bothered to notice any change in her behavior.

Gradually things started getting normal and she was once again her usual self. They restored to their
normalcy but could not remain that way for long. She was handling rice industry and the entire industry
was under stress as the export to gulf countries was disrupted due to government policies. Since the
situation pertain to the whole industry it was she was expecting that bank will come out with a policy to
restrict lending to the industry. Rather she got a proposal for advancing additional funds of Rs. 120.00
crore to a rice trader. She was still under trauma of the previous case. She had finally succumb to the
pressure and work as per the management’s desire and to go again the same process it wasn’t easy.

She was in stress now. Sonia had seen big profile cases going to investigative agencies. The Crime branch
and CBI, they would grill bankers to an extent that they go into depression. She had seen some of the
senior level officers weeping like kids. This gave jitters to Sonia but she was neither willing to surrender
to the culture nor could she find a way to deny.
She use to reach home by 8.00 pm. Things were getting hectic in the office but her woes did not there.
She would reach late at home but could not explain the reason to her relatives because apparently
banks close by 5.00 pm and what could possibly be the reason to fool around. And her typical relatives
told her parents that their daughter is foolig around with some guy. Even in 2018 sonia’s character
certificate is brandished as poor for coming late because if a girl is reaching home what else reason can
she have. The unnecessary boundries were like cuffs which she wanted to break one day and fly high.
But “Fly high” was just a phrase on her internet banking. She did not even had the strength to break the
routine of calling her parents daily at 8 o’clock.

Sonia would talk to her parents daily after 8 o’clock at night. Now their conversations also started
getting tensed. This was adding to the stress she had due to office issues. She gradually withdrew into
herself. She would rarely speak to anyone not even when required. And this was becoming the new
normal for her in office and at home. She would stare at her computer screen for hours. At home no one
was bothered with the change in her behavior. Office was little better, though she had friends in office
but every was sailing through similar situation.

Her issues were not out of the blue, other officers were also random proposals without any justified
requirement. Of the record everyone was aware that the money will be siphoned but no one dares to
bell the cat as the consequences are tough to bear. The entire system was corrupted in this manner and
it was the employees who had to bear the brunt. People who were part of this system were use to this
and some had even learnt the ways to escape the brunt. But Sonia succumbed to the pressure. She was
not willing to sign the proposal but she finally did. She wanted to talk about this to someone but trust
issued stopped her from doing so.

Lunch time use to be a very gung ho type of event every day in the office where people would come
together and complain about their [Link] earlier us e to enjoy being part of this but now she use
to eat alone in the quiet. One day she noticed across her desk Anita was sitting alone during lunch. She
saw her and found the same pain in her eyes. So Sonia went to her and asked the reason. Anita replied
in a cool voice, “I don’t like to part of the office politics and gossip”. Though Sonia was not expecting this
answer but she felt connected and then onwards they started eating together.

Sonia finally had a companion to share her sorrows. They would talk about many things and she was
finally relieved. She was happy again and hence she decided to take a break. She called few of her
friends and went for a vacation after 2 years of stressfull job.