Slides notes
The Dynamics of Leadership and Motivation
Listening: The Art of Understanding Others
Listening Skills
* Avoid Barriers
* Attending skills
* Following skills
* Reflecting skills
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Avoid Barriers
* Competing distractions
* Rehearsing
* Interrupting
* Assuming
* Filtering
* Judging/Labeling
* Me-isms
* Diagnosing
* Advice-Giving
* Excessive questioning
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Following Skills
Door Openers: A non-coercive invitation to talk
* Describe the other person’s body language
* “Your face is beaming today”
* Invitation to talk or continue talking
* “Care to talk about it?”
* “Please go on”
* Silence
* Giving the other person time to decide whether to talk and/or what he wants to say
* Attending
* Eye contact and posture of involvement that demonstrates your interest and concern
Minimal Encouragers: Brief indicators that you are with the other person
* Mm-hmm
* Tell me more
* Oh?
* For instance…
Repeating 1–2 words of the speaker’s key words
Infrequent Question & Attentive Silence
Infrequent questions
* Ask questions to help the person clarify his/her own problem
* Ask one question at a time
Attentive silence
* Lets the person think, feel, and express himself/herself; Like a gentle nudge to keep on talking
* Attend physically, Observe the person, Think about what was said
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Reflecting Skills
• Provides a mirror to the speaker.
• The listener restates the feeling and/or content of what the speaker has communicated in a way
that demonstrates understanding and acceptance.
Paraphrasing / Reflection of Content
A good paraphrase:
* Is concise
* States the essence of the speaker’s words
* Focuses on the content of the message
* Deals with facts or ideas
* Is stated in the listener’s own words
Reflecting Feelings
Reflecting feelings is about acknowledging perspectives.
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Summarizing
A brief restatement of the main themes and feelings expressed over a longer period of conversation
which Helps the speaker more clearly understand key elements of the situation.
Examples:
* “One theme you keep coming back to seems to be…”
* “Let’s recap the ground we have covered so far…”
* “I’ve been thinking about what you said. I see something that may be a pattern and I’d like to check
it out.”
* “As I’ve been listening to you, your main concern seems to be…”
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Coaching Skills: Unleashing Potential!
According to **International Coaching Federation**:
> “Coaching is partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them
to maximize their personal and professional potential.”
Clients move from intention to goal-attainment through an inspired and empowering relationship.
–– Gavin & McBrearty, 2013
Core Characteristics
* People are whole, resourceful and can learn, change, grow and thrive
* People can self-reflect and build on life experience and prior knowledge
* Relationship of equals
* Client decides what to work on
* Reflect, paraphrase, question the client
* Focus on solution rather than problem
* Focus on strengths rather than weaknesses
* Commitment to action between sessions
Why Coaching?
* Improved work performance
* Better business management
* More efficient time management
* Increased team effectiveness
* More growth and opportunities
* Greater self-confidence
* Enhanced relationship
* More effective communication skills
* Better work-and-life balance
* Improvement in wellness
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The Leader as a Coach
All managers in a learning organization should aspire to become expert at situational coaching —
striking a fine balance between directive and non-directive styles according to the specific needs of
the moment.
Ibarra & Scoular, HBR 2019
> Managers need to reinvent themselves as coaches whose job is to draw energy, creativity and
learning out of the people with whom they work.
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The GROW Model
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Personal Balance Sheet
* How exactly will you move from point A to point B?
* Which strengths can you use to help you close relevant gaps?
* What behavioural change are you most excited to try?
Questions to Help Remove Barriers to Performance
* What are you trying to do?
* What’s working?
* What’s not working?
* How can I/we help?
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Skills for Leading with a Coaching Style
* Listening
* Acknowledging / Reflecting
* Paraphrasing / Summarizing
* Questioning
* Setting Goals
* Promoting the 3 psychological needs
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7 questions for every leader
The Art & Science of feedback
The human brain’s reward system responds to positive feedback in practically the same way as it
does to a physical stimulus (e.g., eating your favourite ice cream).
We are hardwired to connect.
A kind word is worth as much to the brain in terms of rewards as money.
Dr. Matthew Lieberman
When participants in an FMRI scanner were told that strangers categorized them as dependable or
sincere, the brain’s reward system was activated.
Dr. Keise Izuma
If a stranger saying we are dependable activates the brain’s reward system, imagine what praise from
a boss, parent, or colleague can accomplish.
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The Power of Negative Information
The Negativity Bias & the Brain
* Negative experiences are remembered more strongly and in greater detail
* Negative emotions involve more thinking and Information is processed more thoroughly
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What happens when we feel rejected or threatened?
**Amygdala Hijack**
This does not mean you should not provide feedback,
guidance, or constructive criticism.
It means the ART IS IN YOUR DELIVERY.
Think before you speak, especially in highly emotional
situations.
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Guidelines for Delivering Constructive Feedback
Self-Expression Skills
1. What do you want to convey?
2. The power of “I” language.
Present your point of view
* I have a concern about…
* I feel…
* Because…
* I need…
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Feedback
Feedback:Information about performance in terms of expectations.
Change-Oriented
To inform that there is a discrepancy between desired behaviour and actual behaviour.
Promotion-Oriented
To inform that the behaviour is right on target.
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Feedback Sandwich: Not very tasty
* Makes the feedback giver feel better however it Results in
confusion and reduced trust (Bressler & Von Bergen, 2014)
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Three Psychological Needs
People are open to feedback when it comes from others they know, like and trust.
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Change-oriented feedback
2-way conversations for constructive feedback
Recognition
Benefits of Recognition
* Job satisfaction increases
* Works as a form of personal reward
* Provides a sense of accomplishment
* Makes employees feel valued
* Reinforces the desired culture
* Sends a message as to what success looks like
* More motivated to maintain or improve good work
* Boosts employee engagement
* Better productivity
* Increases loyalty
* Low cost
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Positive Feedback
Reading notes
Article: the feedback fallacy
The Core Argument: telling people what we think of their performance doesn’t help them thrive and
excel, and telling people how we think they should improve actually hinders learning.
The authors challenge the belief that:
> Other people are reliable raters of our performance and that feedback is an accurate representation
of objective truth.
They argue that:
* Feedback does not reveal truth.
* Feedback reveals the rater.
* Excellence is idiosyncratic.
* Learning is more about attention and reinforcement than correction.
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The Three Theories Behind Feedback (and Why They’re Flawed)
1. The Theory of the Source of Truth
Other people are more aware than you are of your weaknesses and that the best way to help you is
for them to show you what you cannot see for yourself
2. The Theory of Learning
The process of learning is like filling up an empty vessel: you lack certain abilities you need to acquire
so your colleagues should teach them to you.
3. The Theory of Excellence
Great performance is universal, analyzable, and describable, and that once defined, it can be
transferred from one person to another, regardless of who each individual is. Hence you can, with
feedback about what excellence looks like, understand where you fall short of this ideal and then
strive to remedy your shortcomings.
what these 3 theories have in common is self-centeredness: they take our own expertise and what
we are sure is our colleagues inexpertise as givens; they assume that may way is necessarily your
way.
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The source of truth
• first problem with feedback is that humans are unreliable raters of other humans.
• people don't have the objectivity to hold in their heads a stable definition of an abstract quality,
such as business acumen or assertiveness, and then accurately evaluate someone else on it.
• Our evaluations are deeply colored by our own understanding of what we're rating others on, our
own sense of what good looks like for a particular competency, our harshness or leniency as
raters, and our own inherent and unconscious biases. This phenomenon is called the idiosyncratic
rater effect, and it's large (more than half of your rating of someone else reflects your
characteristics, not hers) and resilient (no training can lessen it).
How we learn
Learning is less a function of adding something that isn't there than it is of recognizing, reinforcing,
and refining what already is.
• neurologically, we grow more in our areas of greater ability (our strengths are our development
areas)
Through this lens, learning looks a lot like building, little by little, on the unique patterns
already there within you. Which in turn means learning has to start by finding and
understanding those patterns —your patterns, not someone else's.
• getting attention to our strengths from others catalyzes learning, whereas attention to our
weaknesses smothers it
When people receive negative feedback:
* The brain activates the threat response.
* The amygdala lights up.
* Cognitive resources are diverted to self-protection.
* Learning decreases.
The brain is more receptive to:
* Positive attention
* Recognition
* Reinforcement of strengths
Excellence
Excellence in any endeavour is almost impossible to define and
yet getting there is relatively easy.
Excellence seems to be intertwined with whoever
demonstrates it. Each persons version of it is uniquely shaped
and is an expression of that person’s individuality
Since excellence is idiosyncratic and cannot be learned by
studying failure, we can never help another person succeed by
holding her performance up against a prefabricated model of
excellence, giving her feedback on where she misses the
model, and telling her to plug the gaps. That approach will only ever get her to adequate
performance.
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How to help people excel
• Look for outcomes
Excellence is an outcome so take note of when a prospect leans into a sales pitch a project
runs smoothly, or an angry customer suddenly calms down and highlight it. Recognize their
excellence
• Replay your instinctive reactions
Describe what you experienced when her moment of excellence caught your attention
Share what you saw from her and how it made you feel
• Never lose sight of your highest priority interrupt
If you see somebody doing something that really works, stopping her and dissecting it with
her isn't only a high-priority interrupt, it is your highest-priority interrupt. As you replay each
small moment of excellence to your team member, you'll ease her into the "rest and digest"
state of mind. Her understanding of what excellence looks and feels like within her will
become more vivid, her brain will become more receptive to new information and will make
connections to other inputs found in other regions of her brain, and she will learnand grow and
get better.
• Explore the present past and future
Start with the present. If a team member approaches you with a problem, he's dealing with it
now. He's feeling weak or challenged, and you have to address that. But rather than tackling
the problem head-on, ask your colleague to tell you three things that are working for him right
now.
go to the past. Ask him, "When you had a problem like this in the past, what did you do that
worked?"
turn to the future. Ask your team member, "What do you already know you need to do? What
do you already know works in this situation?"
Article: The leader as coach
1. Why the role of the manager is changing
* Traditionally, successful careers began by **developing expertise in a technical, functional, or
professional domain**.
* Doing your job well meant **having the right answers**.
* Managers:
* knew what needed to be done
* taught others how to do it
* evaluated performance
* **Command and control was the name of the game.**
Today:
* **Rapid, constant, and disruptive change is now the norm.**
* What succeeded in the past is **no longer a guide to what will succeed in the future**.
* Twenty-first-century managers **don’t (and can’t) have all the right answers**.
👉 Therefore: > The role of the manager is becoming that of a coach.
Coaching is increasingly:
* integral to a **learning culture**
* a **skill that good managers at all levels need to develop and deploy**
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2. What coaching means (in this article)
The authors define coaching as broader than external executive coaching.
Manager-as-coach:
* asks questions instead of providing answers
* supports employees instead of judging them
* facilitates their development instead of dictating what has to be done
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Evolution of coaching
Coaching is:
* NOT just sharing knowledge with someone less experienced
* ALSO: asking questions so as to spark insights in the other person
Sir John Whitmore’s definition:
> coaching = **“unlocking people’s potential to maximize their own performance.”**
Best practitioners:
* impart knowledge
* help others discover knowledge themselves
* move between both approaches depending on the situation
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3. Why many managers resist coaching
Coaching often feels:
* too “soft”
* psychologically uncomfortable
* deprives leaders of their familiar tool **asserting authority**
Common excuses:
* “I’m too busy”
* “This isn’t the best use of my time”
* “The people I’m saddled with aren’t coachable”
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Evidence from leadership research
In **Leadership That Gets Results**:
* leaders ranked coaching as their **least-favorite style**
* they said they lacked time for:
* teaching people
* helping them grow
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4. Managers think they coach well — but often don’t
Study:
* 3,761 executives rated their coaching skills
* compared with ratings from colleagues
Result:
* **24% significantly overestimated their ability**
* many thought they were above average but were rated in the bottom third
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5. Why coaching conversations fail
Executives know they should:
* “ask and listen”
* not “tell and sell”
BUT:
* they already decided the right solution before talking
* conversation becomes an attempt to gain agreement
This is not real coaching
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With the right tools, method, practice, and feedback, almost anybody can become a better coach.
6. Different Ways of Helping (Coaching matrix)
Four coaching styles
1. Directive coaching
* manager shares accumulated knowledge
* junior listens to absorb knowledge
• Since it consists of stating what to do and how to do it, it unleashes little energy in the person
being coached. It may depress energy level and motivation
• It also assumes boss knows things that the recipient of the coaching doesn’t
• It doesn’t build organizational capacity well because it allows leaders to continue doing what
they’ve always excelled at
Useful but:
* less effective in a constantly changing environment
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2. Laissez-faire
* leave team alone when they are productively getting on with work
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3. Nondirective coaching
Built on:
* listening
* questioning
* withholding judgment
Managers:
* help employees develop their own solutions
* highly energizing for those coached
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4. Situational coaching
Managers should:
* balance directive + nondirective styles
* adjust according to the needs of the moment
Recommendation:
> First practice nondirective coaching extensively until it becomes second nature.
Then:
* combine with directive coaching when useful.
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7. The GROW Model
Used for nondirective coaching.
Four action steps:
G— Goal
At start of conversation:
* establish exactly what the person wants to accomplish right now
NOT:
* long-term project goals
* job goals
BUT: what they want from this exchange
Example question:
> “What do you want when you walk out the door that you don’t have now?”
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R — Reality
Focus on:
* specific facts, what, when, where and who
* what is actually happening
Avoid:
* asking “why”
Because:
* “why” invites:
* judgment
* self-justification
Better question: “What are the key things we need to know?”
Purpose:
* stop people from overlooking variables
* stop them from leaping to conclusions
Manager’s role:
> raise the right questions and get out of the way.
O — Options
Goal here:
* generate **possible actions**
* help the employee **think broadly**
* encourage brainstorming **before evaluating**
Managers should:
* invite the person to suggest options first
* avoid jumping in with their own solution too early
Typical questions:
* “What could you do?”
* “What else?”
* “What are the advantages and disadvantages of each option?”
Important rule: Resist the urge to immediately give advice.
Because:
* people support solutions they generate themselves
* insight increases commitment
Manager role:
* stretch thinking
* help them see alternatives
* add suggestions only after employee ideas are exhausted
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W — Will (or Way Forward)
Final stage:
* convert discussion into **specific action**
Focus on:
* commitment
* next steps
* accountability
Typical questions:
* “What will you do?”
* “When will you do it?”
* “What might get in the way?”
* “How will you overcome that?”
Purpose:
> ensure the conversation leads to action, not just reflection.
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Coaching as an organizational capacity
• Articule the why
A good why connects coaching to an organizations mission-critical tasks
Can also involve helping people see the collateral benefits of coaching
• Model the behavior
Embrace it yourself
Modeling is powerfully because it shows that a leader walks the talk
• Build capability throughout the organization
Pick, grow and motivate the best capabilities to build customer success
• Remove the barriers
Abandon the performance review system and train partners to engage in coaching
conversations with associate, providing them with real time feedback on their work