Lila Bilsky

Dr. Suhr-Sytsma
English 181-001
04/19/16
Adolescent Self Discovery
The fantasy that teenage romances are full of passion and love has developed into a
stereotype that is portrayed through social media, novels and movies. It is puzzling to me why
this stereotype has become so popular, considering we live in a time when people do not
typically get married during their teenage years. Unlike previous centuries, the trend nowadays is
to mature into adulthood before finding a lifelong partner. Knowing this, why do many
adolescents continue to act as if their love is similar to Romeo and Juliets? Cheryl Dickson,
author of A Psychological Perspective of Teen Romances in Young Adult Literature, asks
herself the same question. In her journal review article, Dickson discusses the problem with how
teenage relationships are portrayed in literature:
Each adolescent is certain that his/her love is true and will result in a lifelong
commitment. Each one dreaming of the emotional fireworks, picnics on the beach, a
honeymoon in Paris, and the names of his/her first-born. As I sit and listen, I can't help
but shake my head and wonder where they get these ideas. I then realize how
disappointing it can be when their dreams of romance and love are crushed. I question
who gives them the impression that love is always fireworks and roses.1
Dickson asserts that teenagers are under the false impression that the love they experience is full
of fireworks and roses. I agree with this claim, and during my adolescence I personally read
novels in which teenage romances were depicted as everlasting, such as Twilight and The Fault
in Our Stars. However, the novel Wabanaki Blues by Melissa Tantaquidgeon Zobel is unique as
it addresses the sadness adolescents face when their idea of love is crushed. Wabanaki Blues
does not have a happy ending to its love story since the two protagonists go their separate paths.

1 Cheryl Dickson, A Psychological Perspective of Teen Romances in Young Adult Literature, The Alan Review 28.3, 2001

Therefore, is Zobels contemporary piece of literature a stern opposition to the unrealistic

stereotype that adolescent love is eternal?
One of the numerous musical references within Wabanaki Blues, As The Years Go Passing By
by Gary Moore, validates that adolescents can be crushed when their relationships end. Moore
sings There is nothing I can do as you leave me here to cry. You know my love will follow you
as the years go passing by. Within the context of Wabanaki Blues, this song depicts the emotions
of character Del when Mona leaves him. Mona and Del, the protagonists of the novel, are Native
American adolescents who both come from broken families. Monas parents constantly fight and
eventually separate, while Dels father is an alcoholic. It is important to note that his fathers
alcoholism began after Dels mother was murdered as a teenager (111). More vulnerable than
most adolescents due to unsupportive parental figures in his life, Del has a hard time processing
and moving on from his relationship with Mona. Looking only at Dels reaction would support
the teenage romance stereotype, since he believes that his love will follow Mona years after
their breakup. However, Zobel begins to fight the stereotype of long lasting teenage love with
Monas mature realization that she is not ready for a serious relationship (207). By analyzing
word choice, adolescent neurology, and social context, I contend that Mona is able to accept that
teenage love is not full of fireworks and roses through her semi-supportive parental upbringing.
As opposed to Dels father, Monas parents instilled secure attachment into her by fulfilling the
basic four S's of attachment. Not having the four Ss of attachment has left Del with a sense of
insecure attachment, which limits his ability to act independently. Independence is the key factor
that adolescents must possess in order to obtain a sense of self-identity, which Mona achieves by
breaking up with Del.

Looking at the use of language in As The Years Go Passing By, it is apparent that Del
has a harder time moving on from the relationship because he does not have a clear sense of
independence. Psychologists Grace Larson and David Sbarra conducted a clinical study in which
they analyzed the recovery process for men who had recently experienced breakups. In their
report Participating in Research on Romantic Breakups Promotes Emotional Recovery via
Changes in Self-Concept Clarity, it was determined that using greater proportions of firstperson singular pronouns is commonly associated with poorer recovery from romantic breakup
and divorce(2). The use of the pronoun I is very prevalent in Moores song. The lines there is
nothing I can do and give you all that I own are repeated throughout the song, indicating that
the singer is having difficulty with his breakup. Larson and Sbarra would argue that Del is
having a harder time than Mona is ending the relationship because he does not have a defined
self-identity. They write, In romantic relationships, self-identity-ones understanding of who he
or she is as a person-is often dramatically shaped by ones romantic partner, and partners
typically experience intertwinement of their identities (6). Dels sense of self-identity rests on
Mona, but Mona does not have the same identity crisis. In the novel, Mona states I cant picture
me enjoying that sort of blissfully coupled existence with Del. Im a dedicated blues musician.
Im destined for somebody to do me wrong on another rocky river shore (322). Mona knows
that she is a musician, and her identity rests more on her passion for music than any boy in her
life. Monas identity is not intertwined with Dels because, as it will be proven, Mona is much
more independent.
The neurological processes that occur during adolescence can make the discovery of selfidentity easier or harder, depending on ones upbringing. Doctor Daniel Siegel, a renowned
neuropsychiatrist, has become an expert on adolescent brain development. When speaking about

his book Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, Siegel notes that adolescent
brains take part in a process called pruning.2 According to Siegel, pruning involves the carving
away of existing neural connections. Between the ages of two and twelve, Mona and Del
acquired as many neural connections as possible. However, these excessive neural connections
are being pruned away during their teenage years in order to allow for integration. Different
areas of Mona and Dels brains are becoming linked during integration, which allows for more
sophisticated cognitive functions to emerge.3 While this form of brain remodeling provides
adolescents with a general increase in independent behaviors, such as social engagement and
hyper rational thinking, certain youth have an insufficient number of neurons to prune away at.
Siegel believes that adolescents who are traumatized during childhood will have the new,
sophisticated cognitive functions develop at a slower rate due to a smaller supply of neurons. I
suggest that the trauma Siegel refers to stems from improper parental support during childhood,
which goes on to affect an adolescent's level of independence.
By comparing the ways in which Mona and Dels parents fulfill the basic four Ss of
attachment, it is easy to see that Del struggles with independence because his father has given
him a sense of insecure attachment. According to Siegel, the basic four Ss of attachment are
being seen, safety, soothness, and security.4 While Mona might argue that her parents do not
provide her with all four Ss, it could be argued that they do. Mona speculates that neither of my
parents would search for me if I got locked in the janitors closet, (172) which is false. Monas
mother Lila fulfills the being seen attachment by searching for Mona when that event actually
happens. Unlike Monas mom, I can think of ways in which Dels father Will actively neglects
certain Ss of attachment, the most important of which is the safety attachment. When
2 Daniel J. Siegel, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, Family Action Network, 2013
3 Daniel J. Siegel, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, Family Action Network, 2013
4 Daniel J. Siegel, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, Family Action Network, 2013

describing Will Pyne, Mona notes that if ever there was a world-class, drunken psycho, whackjob, murdering son of a bitch, its Will Pyne (87). Until Dels father sobers up at the end of the
novel, his alcoholism is a source of terror to his son. Will cannot protect his son from harm like
an attachment figure for adolescents needs to, but instead creates the harm for Del himself.
Siegel states that for 10-15% of the population, kids are terrified of their caregivers. He adds
that parents do things that are terrifying. And that creates all sorts of fragmentation in the childs
mind, because you are supposed to be protected by your parents. So if your parents are the
source of terror, two circuits are activated in your brain.5 When Dels father serves as a source
of terror, his brainstem tells him to get away from his father, but the limbic area of his brain tells
him to go to his caregiver. These two opposing urges creates confusion, and this confusion is the
source of Dels insecure attachment which inhibits his independence.
The trauma Del has experienced due to growing up with an unstable parental figure
explains why he done not exhibit hyper rational thinking like Mona does. Hyper rational
thinking, as Siegel says, is the need to push boundaries. An individual who demonstrates hyper
rational thinking demonstrates a lot of impulsivity and risk taking behavior.6 Mona partakes in
this behavior at the very end of the novel by abruptly leaving New Hampshire and drives off to
some undetermined destination. She acts independently when making this decision because she
possesses her own self-identity. Del is unable to demonstrate any hyper rational behavior because
of his limited neuron supply. Both Mona and Dels brains are still undergoing pruning, but some
of the Dels new, sophisticated cognitive functions that are supposed to emerge during
adolescence are delayed because of his insufficient parental influences growing up. Del is unable
to seek out his own self-identity, which is still intertwined with Monas, because he does not
5 Daniel J. Siegel, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, Family Action Network, 2013
6 Daniel J. Siegel, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, Family Action Network, 2013

want to participate in independent risk taking behavior. Therefore, when Mona says she is
leaving, Del responds with I thought we were forever, Mona, like the stars (323). Del has a
hard time letting go of his romantic relationship because he must find his own self-identity if he
and Mona are no longer together. Unlike Del, Mona knows who she is and is not afraid to to take
the actions necessary to protect her individuality. By leaving Del and departing New Hampshire,
Mona is making choices that represent her strong self-identity.
While poor parental influences can prevent adolescents from obtaining independence and
self-identity, I believe that parents have time to repair past damages. No parent can ever be
perfect, and mistakes are bound to be made when trying to provide children with the four Ss of
attachment. Will Pyne clearly went through a stage of depression, but once he recovered from his
alcoholism he became capable of becoming a more reliable father figure. While Zobel does not
reveal any steps Will takes to repair his relationship with Del, it is not too late for Will to provide
his son with a sense of safety.. As Dr. Siegel notes, we need attachment till the day we die.7
Just because an individual has grown out of childhood does not mean that they no longer want
their parents to stop serving as attachment figures. I adamantly believe that parents should go
back and repair any damage they have caused through not providing the necessary parental
support, especially within Native communities. There is a greater likelihood of genetic and
environmental vulnerabilities in Native American communities, such as alcoholism, depression,
and poverty. These vulnerabilities affect the extent to which indigenous parents can provide the
emotional support their children need. Therefore, there might be a greater rate of insecure
attachment for Native American adolescents. Emphasis needs to be placed on making sure
insecure attachment does not remain a lifelong problem for these adolescents. Parents like Will
Pyne need to repair their lack of parental support to provide their adolescents with the necessary
7 Daniel J. Siegel, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, Family Action Network, 2013

feelings of attachment. Only once this happens will these adolescents become capable of forming
mature adult relationships that are based on a strong sense of self-identity.

Bibliography:
Dickson, Cheryl. "A Psychological Perspective of Teen Romances in Young Adult Literature."
The Alan Review 28.3 (2001). Web. 9 Apr. 2016.
<[Link]
Larson, Grace M., and David A. Sbarra. "Participating in Research on Romantic Breakups
Promotes Emotional Recovery via Changes in Self-Concept Clarity." Sage Journals (2015):
1-7. Web. 28 Mar. 2016.
<[Link]
Siegel, Daniel J., Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. Family Action
Network, 2013. Web. 12 Apr. 2016. <[Link]
Siegel, Daniel J. Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. New York, NY:
Penguin Group, 2014. Print.