Montessori way shows genuine

appreciation and respect for the children

and follows Montessori principles.

COMMUNICATING
WITH YOUNG
CHILDREN THE
MONTESSORI WAY

Communicating the Montessori way

involves more than words and tone. It also
involves attitude, body language and
actions responsive to the children and their
needs. For under-threes, responsive
communicating helps each child develop
trust in the caregivers, feel free to move and
explore, and develop his/her own skills.
How does a caregiver communicate with
children in the Montessori way? The
following list is not exhaustive, but gives ten
important ways of communicating in a
Montessori childcare center:

In every center, caregivers care for the

children and carry out activities according
to the goals of the particular program. In
the Montessori program, where everything
represents a possible opportunity for the
childs learning, how the caregivers care for
the children and carry out activities
depends on how the caregivers
communicate with the children. Ideally,
communicating with children the

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comfort. For example, choose furniture

that is child-size and in a variety of
shapes and sizes.

Prepare the environment carefully.

Use proactive guidance strategies.
Intervene gently, quietly, and only when
necessary.

Accept that a certain amount of

untidiness is normal when children are
learning. Locate practical life, sensory
and art activities near child-size sinks so
that the children can easily access the
materials they need for cleaning.

Give a directed choice.

Use touch often.
Slow down.

Ground the children in what is real before

introducing them to fantasy. Offer real or
realistic-looking objects for them to work
with.

Speak and listen with respect.

Use non-verbal signals for quiet and
stopping.

Keep use of plastic materials to a

minimum. Remember that young children
learn by using all their senses: sight,
hearing, taste, touch and smell. Plastic,
being odorless and generally hard and
smooth in texture, does not offer the
range of sensory stimulation provided by
natural objects. Instead, as often as
possible, present a wide variety of real
objects appealing to all five senses.
Examples: unusual vegetables and fruits,
aromatic herbs, fabrics, child-size
musical instruments, objects from nature.

Make socializing an everyday experience.

Support competence and independence.

PREPARE THE
ENVIRONMENT CAREFULLY
The carefully prepared Montessori
environment communicates to the child that
she/he can move and explore easily and
safely. It also communicates that it contains
attractive things that interest and challenge
the child, motivating the child to move and
explore and rewarding the childs natural
curiosity. Since preparing the environment
has been covered in more detail earlier, here
are just a few examples of how you can
prepare the environment to communicate
important messages to the children:

USE PROACTIVE
GUIDANCE STRATEGIES
Proactive guidance refers to
communication strategies that many
Montessori teachers have found effective
because the goal is to guide, not force,
children in positive ways as they develop.
Instead of deciding how the child will
develop, caregivers in a Montessori
preschool act as guides for the children.
Using proactive guidance strategies rather
than praise or punishment, the caregivers

Build in control of error that challenges

the children to learn to control their
movements. For example, make sure that
chairs and tables move easily if jostled.
Make the children feel welcome and
competent to make choices for their own

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cooperatively can be fun. Develop a

repertoire of constructive cooperative
games and play them regularly with the
children.

communicate to the children when they are

not acting suitably, compliment them when
they are, and show the children that there
are many alternatives to unsuitable
behavior. Here are a few examples of ways
you can communicate what is suitable
behavior to young children:

Intervene Gently, Quietly,

and Only When Necessary
Another important way Montessori
caregivers communicate is by intervening
gently, quietly, and only when necessary.

Let the children know that you notice and

appreciate their suitable behavior. When
the child behaves suitably, use positive
interaction, a communication strategy
consisting of quiet, simple statements or
physical responses that let a child know
that he/she has been noticed and
acknowledged. Positive interaction does
not involve cheering and clapping or
reward and punishment. The
reinforcement can be as simple as a
smile or a quiet observation, such as I
see you put that mat away, Janey or
Amid, you are turning those pages very
carefullyor Ben, I hear how quietly you
closed that door.

Unless a child is in danger, wait before

intervening in the childrens social
interactions. Give the children time to
solve their own problems and settle their
own differences.
If possible, prevent unsuitable behaviors
by gently and quietly distracting or
redirecting. Sometimes just holding an
interesting object or placing yourself
calmly on the floor between two infants
or toddlers and engaging with them
defuses a situation. Another proactive
guidance strategy, referred to as gluing,
involves keeping a child who is restless
or disturbing others close by for a period
of time before inviting the child to choose
a more suitable activity. This strategy is
particularly effective for toddlers and
twos who are new to the childcare center
or have been disturbing others. However,
the Montessori caregivers goal is to
guide the child as soon as possible to
something that engages the child and
allows him/her to move and work
independently of the caregiver.

Communicate to the children that

cooperative behavior, not competition, is
the norm. Do not encourage the children
to run races or to be the first in line.
Make every effort not to reward
unsuitable behavior with direct attention.
For example, try not to react immediately
when a child screams in anger or throws
him/herself on the floor in a rage. Instead,
acknowledge the behavior and help the
child identify the feelings behind it: I
hear that you are feeling angry or I see
that you are crying. Are you feeling sad?
Then calmly look for opportunities to
direct the child to more suitable behavior.

When the children are absorbed in

activities, communicate that their work is
important to you as well as to them.
Intervene as little as possible. Observe

Show the children that playing

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children, infants especially, touch is an

important form of communication. Touch in
the form of cuddling and stroking has long
been used to communicate caring and
comfort to young children. Such touching
has a calming effect on most young children,
allowing them to experience the people,
things and sensations around them. With
every experience, more neural pathways are
established in the childs brain.

the situation before you decide when,

whether and how to intervene. For
example, 18-month-old Marta is trying to
place the last wooden block into a box.
The box keeps sliding so that Marta cant
get the last block in. Martas caregiver
observes from a distance, and sees both
that Marta is trying to solve the problem
and that Marta is becoming frustrated.
The caregiver quietly approaches Marta
and holds the box steady so that Marta
can fit in the last block. As soon as the
last block is in, Marta dumps all the
blocks out and starts fitting them in
again. The caregiver quietly removes
herself from the scene.

Montessori caregivers can find many

opportunities for touching under-threes. For
infants, diapering presents an ideal
opportunity to stroke the infants body. The
caregiver could also make a special time
each day after feeding, for example to
massage the infants body. Touching the
infant can also provide an opportunity for a
language activity, where the caregiver
names each body part or quietly sings a
body song to the infant. For older infants,
toddlers and twos, who are very physical in
their relationship with the world, touch can
also be a communication of caring and
comfort. A toddler may climb up into a
caregivers lap to look at a book and a twoyear-old may lean against a caregivers leg
while chatting.

Give a directed choice

As much as possible, offer a directed
choice, giving a child the opportunity to
choose between two equally attractive and
positive actions or objects. This way of
communicating shows the child that you
have confidence in her/his ability to make
choices and gives the child experience in
expressing preferences. For example, do
not ask the child What do you want?
(Possible answer: My pail from home.) or
Do you want the red pail? (Possible
answer: No, no, no.) Instead, offer two
choices with similarly positive outcomes.
For example, say: Sami, do you want the
red pail or the blue pail? or Tina, would
you like to stay here and keep working on
this puzzle or go outside and paint rocks?

However, caregivers need to remember that

not all young children welcome and respond
to touch in the same way. To use touch as
an effective way of communicating, the
caregiver approaches gently and quietly,
observes the childs reactions to gentle
touch, and learns each childs preferences.
For example, an infant may dislike being
undressed and may prefer being wrapped in
a blanket while being massaged, and a twoyear-old may like having his back rubbed
while he goes to sleep.

Use touch often

Research conducted throughout the last half
of the twentieth century has confirmed one
of Montessoris ideas about what helps
childrens brains develop that for young

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most often forget what they hear and that

having to listen to someone can disrupt a
childs concentration. Montessori caregivers
learn to stay back quietly and let the child
have his/her own experience as much as
possible. Here are some ways caregivers
can show respect when they are speaking
or listening to under-threes:

Slow down
Caregivers working with under-threes have
already developed fine and gross motor
skills, language, cognition, and many other
skills. Caregivers can move and think
quickly and efficiently. Under-threes are just
starting to develop all of these skills. To
communicate to the children that the center
is truly focused on them and their needs, it
is important for Montessori caregivers to
adjust their rhythm to the childrens rhythm.
Moving slowly and carefully both slows the
caregiver to the pace of the children, who
tend to look at and examine everything, and
models careful and safe movement for
everyone in the childcare environment.
Another way caregivers can communicate
careful and safe movement is by showing
the children how to carry items carefully
one at a time, in both hands and by
always carrying items that way themselves.

Always speak slowly, quietly and clearly.

One of the unique characteristics of the
Montessori center is that adult voices are
well in the background, not in the
foreground.
Bend or crouch down to look into the
childs eyes while you are talking or
listening to the child.
Invite rather than command. Speak to the
children as courteously as you would
speak to a valued adult, using such
words and phrases as Please, Thank
you, and May I?

Speak and listen with respect

Use correct words for things, not slang

words or baby talk. Remember that
most toddlers and twos acquiring
language skills love using big words
and are interested in learning them.
Feed an infant with very little speaking,
so that the infant can simply focus on the
pleasure of being held and receiving
nourishment.
Speak quietly and lovingly to the child
especially when the child is showing
unsuitable behavior or has made a
mistake. Your quiet, loving attitude will
influence the child to behave in the same
way and not react with anger, fear or
frustration.

Speaking and listening with respect is an

important part of communicating with
children the Montessori way. Just as with
intervening, the respectful caregiver
observes and listens before deciding what
to say, how to say it or whether to say
anything at all. Montessori felt that children

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and should be used only when needed. The

signal often used for quiet in a Montessori
center is to stand still, without speaking,
and hold out your arms or hands with the
palms up.

Listen without interruption when the child

is talking.
Let the child speak for her/himself. Try
not to fill the childs world with your
words.

The signal used for stopping is usually more

dramatic because it needs to get the
attention of the children quickly. For
example, on a park outing, two-year-old
Kern picks up a sharp stick and starts to
run with it. His caregiver claps her hands
loudly twice. Because the caregiver has
presented lessons showing that two loud
claps always mean Stop now and has
given the children opportunities to practice
stopping quickly in body movement
activities, Kern stops.

Approach a child from the front, not from

behind. If you need to wipe a nose or
change a diaper, tell the child quietly
what youre going to do.
Invite a child to participate in an activity,
but do not force or cajole.
Unless the situation is dangerous, ask
the child for permission to take or move
something the child is handling. Saying
May I? shows respect for the child, the
childs work and the childs personal
space.

MAKE SOCIALIZING
AN EVERYDAY EXPERIENCE

With the exception of language activities,

present activities with as few words as
possible so that the child can focus on
the materials and the task.

One of the major goals of the Montessori

program is that each child learn and
practice social skills. Montessori caregivers
make socializing interacting with others
and practicing social skills an everyday
experience. Here are some ways caregivers
can help children learn to socialize, from the
time they first arrive in the center:

Similarly, if a child is concentrating on an

activity, stay back quietly until the child is
clearly finished or seeks out your
attention.

Use non-verbal signals

for quiet and stopping

Greet each child when he/she arrives and

welcome them into the center. A child
who feels welcomed as a valuable and
loved member of a community is more
likely to seek out others and interact with
them.

In case of emergency or sudden need, it is

sometimes necessary to communicate
quickly with the children in a center. Most
Montessori caregivers work out non-verbal
signals for quiet and for stopping. These
signals should not be the same as the
transition cues used to signal changes in
the daily schedule, should not be easily
confused with normal body movements,

Address each child by name.

Spend time every day talking with each
child in your care.

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feel that they are important and

needed members of the childcare center
community. The Montessori caregiver gives
the children as many opportunities as
possible every day to develop competence
and independence. Here are some
examples:

With infants, introduce socialization into

the active times when they are not eating
or sleeping. For example, hold the infant
on your lap while you read a story to a
toddler.
With toddlers and twos, introduce social
and language skills by initiating simple
conversations. One way of starting a
conversation is by commenting neutrally
on something the child is wearing. For
example, thirty-month-old Jamals
caregiver comments: I see you are
wearing red shorts, Jamal. Jamal might
respond: Yes, these are my favorite
shorts. My grandpa gave them to me.

Do not separate the practical life routines

of the center from the children, but
involve the children in caring for their
physical environment. For example,
walking toddlers and older infants can
set the table for lunch, scrape their own
plates, and sort plates, glasses and
cutlery into bins for washing.
Acknowledge each childs developing
abilities and skills. As much as possible,
do not carry or transport children who
can walk by themselves. This means
planning walks and outings that are not
long and complex, but suit young
childrens pace and allow ample time for
exploring.

Give older toddlers and twos real-life

opportunities to practice the manners
and social skills they have learned. For
example, at open house or parents day,
invite the older twos to greet people at
the door, show where coats go, and say
goodbye to people leaving.
At every age level, present activities that
give the children practice in recognizing
and naming emotions.

SUPPORT COMPETENCE
AND INDEPENDENCE

Present each activity as a whole that

involves the child in setting up and
putting away. Take an infant with you as
you return materials to their shelves. Give
the toddler something to carry as you set
up an activity. Invite the two-year-old to
wash the paintbrushes after an art
activity. When the children experience
setting up and putting away as part of
every activity, they will gradually begin
setting up and putting away as part of
every activity they do.

Communicating the Montessori way also

means acknowledging and encouraging
competence and independence in the
children. In the process, the children will

Practice competent handling of fragile or

breakable objects. For children new to
the program, or for children just
becoming coordinated enough to hold

For older twos, use group time as an

opportunity for developing and practicing
social skills. For example, introduce an
activity the children can do together,
such as taking turns shaking a jar of
whipping cream to make butter.

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move on to another level in the childcare

program, and watch for them. With regular
observations, the caregivers stay aware of
each childs needs, develop an awareness
of when the child is ready or close to
ready to move on, and help the child
move ahead confidently and happily.

objects, use group time to practice

handling and passing around first
ordinary objects such as utensils, bowls
and baskets, then more fragile objects
such as a tiny drinking glass, a fresh
flower, or a small box made of paper.
As soon as the infant can walk or stand
for long periods, diaper with the child
standing up. To help the child become
conscious of personal needs, invite
him/her to bring you a diaper when the
need arises.

How do caregivers know when a child is

ready to move on? Lets say that in your
center, although there is much overlap and
interaction between sections, the space is
divided into two sections one for infants
and one for toddlers and twos. Usually,
infants are moved to the toddlers and twos
section when they reach one year old.

When diapering a child standing up,

gradually encourage the child to take
over much of the routine. For example,
start by pulling gently downward on the
childs pants. If the child starts to pull
down the pants, gently remove your hand
and comment on the childs action. For
example, say: I see that you are pulling
down your own pants, Colin. You got
them down to your ankles today.
Encourage the child to help put on the
fresh diaper.

An infant who has developed some

coordination and a degree of independence
may be ready to move on to the toddlers
and twos area even if he/she is not yet a
year old. What can you watch for? Usually
such an infant can sit unsupported, crawl or
move wherever she/he wants to go, drink
out of a cup and feed herself/himself with a
spoon. The infant has also become
competent at most of the activities
presented to infants in your center.
Sometimes infants causing disruptions in
the infants area are showing that they are
ready for more challenging activities.

An important part of supporting

competence and independence is knowing
when a child is ready to move on.
Sometimes caregivers become attached to
children who have become competent and
independent and are well tuned to the
rhythms of the childcare environment.
These children are often leaders or helpers
in the center. The younger children look up
to them, watch them and learn from them.
The presence of these children makes
things easier for the caregivers and the
other children.

The same applies to judging when a twoyear-old is ready to move on to a

Montessori preschool for three- to six-yearolds. Most preschool teachers agree that
whether or not you feel the child is
emotionally or physically ready, it is best to
move the child into preschool when he/she
turns three. However, many twos who have
been participating in a Montessori program
for infants, toddlers and twos are ready to
move into a preschool before their third

Montessori caregivers need to develop

criteria for judging when a child is ready to

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into a new setting with new challenges and

older children to emulate often solves such
problems.

birthdays. What can you watch for? Usually

these children have developed competence
and independence in many ways. For
example, they can set and clean a table,
sweep a floor, dress themselves, put things
away without being asked, know where
everything is kept, work for periods of time
on their own and have worked through
many of the presented activities for their
age group. Many teachers find that some
two-year-olds who are ready to move on
become disrupting forces in the center. It
may be increasingly difficult to engage them
in activities. They may be acting out
frustration. For these children, being moved

NAMC - North American Montessori Center

SPECIAL NOTE
ON TOILETING
This special section on toileting
incorporates many of the ideas and
techniques discussed about communicating
with young children the Montessori way,
from preparing the environment and using
proactive guidance strategies to intervening
only when necessary and supporting
competence and independence. This

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