Progress

By
Alexina Lyons

2015

[Link]@[Link]

EXT: WALL VERY EARLY MORNING

A Tony Abbott 2017 campaign poster, a cross between a Kim
Jong Un propaganda poster and a Obama "Change" poster, stuck
on a partially blown up wall clings to its post in the wind.
It reads "Progress." Behind it, a suburban wasteland, smoke,
dust and the remnants of society.
Telephone wires are mostly destroyed from
when neighbours destroyed each others lines in an attempt
to increase their own internet speeds. The remains of a once
average communication system resemble stringy clothes lines
blowing in the wind.
INT: THE ARSEHOLED POSSUM VERY EARLY MORNING
The Arseholed Possum is dark and even dustier than the
outside world. Inside the glass doors the pub is not full
but not empty. On the window is an old WiFi poster that used
to say, "Free Wifi" but now the words, "dont expect much",
are plastered across it in red "paint". The clock says its
2.55 am. THE BAR TENDER watches his clientele like a hawk.
He cleans a schooner glass with a rag thats dirtier than
his face while puffing on a cigar. On his shoulder is a
sleeping koala.
On one chair is a man named DUSTY due to the dust that
clings in his stubble. His hat is so low it casts a shadow
over his face. Hes rolling a cigarette, even though hes
twirling an unlit one in his lips. In front of him is an
Samsung Galaxy 6. Plagued by age, the rusted device is
grasping to the last dregs of Wifi. He rolls his eyes and
tries to connect to Kanye Wests twitter. The loading bar
slowly fills across the screen, then stops. The frustration
shows in his jaw.
A girl KYLIE dressed as if shes going to the beach sits
close to the exit on a high circular bar table. On it is one
empty cocktail glass and one full one. Her silky jacket is
placed on the empty seat next to her. Her Samsung Curve
phone was the latest and greatest in 2018, but after she
bought it the Wifi Price Hike came and no one could afford
new technology. She uses it under the table to protect it
from criminal eyes.
She inconspicuously pulls a Motorola One2One out of her bag
and hides it under her jacket. She flips the pad protector
to revel a golden rotary dial system and a USB plug. She
plugs the old brick into her newer phone and dials the
number "28887". She refreshers the page she was previously
attempted to access and... reasonable success. The page
loads at a moderate pace. BuzzFeed, "Can you guess the city
by its shape?"

2.

KYLIE attempts to contain her excitement. If anyone knew she

was online... but RUSTY notices. He watches her turn down
the brightness on the screen, preventing the light from
reflecting on her face. He follows the cord under the
jacket. He needs whats under there.
There is a distant rumble and the table in front of RUSTY
shudders. He looks up and the walls of the pub shake with
another rumble. The rumbles turns into thuds as the sound
draws nearer. The pub pulsates harder with each passing
boom. RUSTY looks down at his phone, instead of attempting
to load the page the phone displays on Google Chromes
"unable to connect to the internet" page. He picks it up in
disbelief and slams on to the sticky table. THUD.
The clientele look towards the glass opening doors. THUD.
THUD. THUD. Shocked, they all watch as the remaining
telephone poles fall with domino like proficiency to the
ground. The wires sizzle in the summer heat sending sparks
all over the ground. The last shreds of internet
infrastructure is vanishing before their very eyes.
KYLIE stands facing the doors, people everywhere are
flocking into the streets. The bar folk mimic her movement,
the shock incomprehensible. KYLIE however doesnt notice her
Motorola One2One moves a little closer to the edge of the
seat with each THUD. KYLIE turns back towards her table just
in time to see her One2One fall to the floor. She breathes a
sigh of relief as the phone bounces but doesnt break. It
does however, turn on speaker phone, and the old school dial
up tone echoes throughout the now quiet pub.
She quickly grabs the old brick and turns off the sound. She
hides it in her bag and pretends like she doesnt have the
only internet access point in lower Sydney.
EXT: THE STREETS OF SYDNEY VERY EARLY MORNING
Anarchy takes hold in the streets of Circular Quay as the
crowds become violent. A young woman grabs branches off a
gum tree and sets them aflame. A young man breaks the window
of a gift shop steals a model of the opera house and stabs
the sails into a fellow rioter. A street band smashes their
didgeridoos giving them a jaggered edge to attack the
hoard. A man punches another man in front of an anti-coward
punch poster, knocking him out. A youngster runs out with a
Sydney funnel web in jar and drops it in someones pants.

3.

INT: THE ASSHOLED POSSUM VERY EARLY MORNING

Slowly the bar folk start to rise moving menacingly towards
KYLIE. RUSTY loudly stands, squeaking his bar chair on the
floor, and walks between the crowd and KYLIE. He grabs her
tall bar table, sending her cocktail glasses smashing to the
ground with the remaining liquid. He swirls it in the air as
if it were nothing, pointing the table end at the crowd.
A bar occupant squashes his VB can flat on the table and
scrapes it along the metal rim of his table to sharpen it.
Another grabs a framed Rabbitohs Jersey off the wall. The
former flings the VB can towards KYLIE. RUSTY blocks it with
the table.
There is a loud bang from behind the rallied bar customers
as THE BAR TENDER fires his sawed off shotgun into the air.
His koala doesnt awaken. He points to the clock behind him
which reads 3.00 am.
THE BAR TENDER
Lock out laws, cunts.
The crowd pauses.
it over anothers
pub. As the crowd
stops in front of
the table without

The man holding the framed jersey smashes

head in frustration and storms out of the
disperses. The man who threw the VB can
KYLIE and DUSTY. He pulls the can out of
breaking eye contact. He walks away.

KYLIE picks up her belongings and goes to leave when THE BAR
TENDER cocks his gun. He slowly walks over to them, his gut
leading the way. This beast of a man towers over RUSTY. THE
BAR TENDER extends his hand.
KYLIE defiantly looks at him. THE BAR TENDER points his
shotgun at her. She just looks back. DUSTY takes the One2One
from KYLIEs purse and puts it in THE BAR TENDERS hand. He
smiles and leaves. KYLIE looks at Rusty, disgusted that he
gave her device away. She grabs her bag from the floor.
KYLIE
You owe me a drink, love.
She quickly jumps behind the bar and stacks a couple of
bottles of Pino Grigio in her bag. She snarls at him and
runs out into the street looking for THE BAR TENDER.
RUSTY stands there for a second. Then follows her.

4.

EXT: THE STREETS OF SYDNEY VERY EARLY MORNING

They enter into absolute chaos.
A man in a tree skulls a Boags and jumps into the crowd
like a lion.
KYLIE dodges a cricket ball bowled at a very high speed.
While DUSTY watches the thrower being hit with a cricket
bat.
KYLIE notices THE BAR TENDER running up towards George St.
She runs unexpectedly fast and DUSTY struggles to keep up.
Shes catching up when a speeding Holden Ute drives off the
road and flips over flying through the air over their heads.
They dash to the ground. The Ute crashes into the sidewalk
and catches on fire. A driver slides out of the window and
climbs on top of the car, he rips his shirt open and yells
into the night.
In the confusion THE BAR TENDER has vanished. KYLIE swears
and runs to where she lasts saw him. DUSTY pants and
follows. When she sees hes not there she runs down every
side street in an attempt to track him down.
In the background a woman sets a magpie on her ex-boyfriend.
She laughs as he tries to run away as the bird swoops at
him.
Its useless, she cant find him. She stops in a side alley.
DUSTY eventually catches up. He is absolutely useless. He
coughs as he tries to say something, failing to catch his
breath. KYLIE shakes her head at him and spits on the
ground.
Then she sees it. At the back of the alley crouched in a
corner hiding from the public is TONY ABBOTT. KYLIE cannot
control herself. She launches across the alley screaming.
KYLIE
WHERES MY INTERNET? WHAT DID YOU
DO? HOW COULD YOU LOWER OUR SPEEDS
THIS MUCH? WHERE IS IT? WHAT
HAPPENED TO MY INTERNET? YOU RUINED
IT!
DUSTY leaps forward to prevent her from reaching TONY
ABBOTT. He grabs her around the waist milliseconds before
KYLIEs beautifully manicured nails scratch ABBOTTs face.
He drags her away whilst yelling.

5.

DUSTY
LET HIM GO. ITS MORE IMPORTANT WE
FIND THAT INTERNET DEVICE. WE NEED
IT! WITHOUT IT WE WILL NEVER HAVE
INTERNET!
KYLIE stares him down.
KYLIE
We?
Unfortunately a few rioters heard them yelling about the
internet and have trickled down to see what the fuss is, and
more importantly, if theres internet. Realising the danger
DUSTY grabs a yellow topped recycling bin and throws it at
the small crowd. KYLIE and DUSTY run. Oh how they run.
The crowd follows, increasing in numbers. As they run down
York St towards the Harbour Bridge they are grabbed by a
pale woman with ombre hair into a hidden abandoned
underground shop.
INT: ABANDONED STORE EARLY MORNING
OMBRE HAIR GIRL holds a small torch, and places her finger
on her lips. They wait for the herd to pass. As it quietens
down KYLIE goes to speak, but is silenced by OMBRE HAIR
GIRLs finger returning to her lips. OMBRE HAIR GIRL turns
and walks down the hallway. KYLIE and DUSTY look at each
other then follow. The hallway opens up into a small room.
This is clearly where she lives as theres a small bed in
the corner of the room and a seemingly endless supply of Mie
Goreng. Most of the room however is taken up by pages and
pages of printed material.
Again KYLIE tries to speak and is silenced by the finger.
OMBRE HAIR GIRL is very pale. She picks up a page from the
pile of papers closed to the door. Printed across the page
is the front page of Wikipedia from the 7th of September
2013. The featured article is "Red Head Day". KYLIE realises
that OMBRE HAIR GIRL printed the entirety of WIKIPEDIA the
day TONY ABBOTT was elected. She has been living in this
hole since 2013 waiting for something like this to happen.
KYLIE looks at OMBRE GIRL, shes so frail. Over her
shoulder, KYLIE sees DUSTY gesturing towards the door. She
shakes her head.
KYLIE starts to shuffle through the stacks of papers looking
for something. DUSTY gets angry at her and goes to shout but
OMBRE HAIR GIRL shushes him. KYLIE AND DUSTY have a silent
argument, KYLIE trying to say they need to search Wikipedia
and DUSTY strongly suggesting they have to leave. DUSTY

6.

kicks over a large pile of pages inviting KYLIE and OMBRE

HAIR GIRLs incredulous looks. KYLIE pushes him into a
sitting position on the floor and gives him a "stay"
gesture.
KYLIE returns to looking though the pages, OMBRE HAIR GIRL
weakly picks up the pages on the floor and starts to
organise them. DUSTY pulls the closest box of junk in front
of him and starts to rummage through it. He pockets anything
he thinks could be useful.
As KYLIE searches DUSTY falls asleep on the floor.
She wakes him up by shoving a piece of paper under his nose.
The page reads, "The Arseholed Possum. Australias first pub
was opened in 1812.."
DUSTY looks at her, "so what?" She points to a section of
the page. "The current bar tender has been working there
since 1980 and is lovingly known as a ratbag tight ass with
face like a bucket of crabs. Commonly he is seen in his
blow out Bailey Caravan which he parks at the bottom of
Millers point."
DUSTY looks at KYLIE and theyre off.
EXT: THE STREETS OF SYDNEY JUST BEFORE SUNRISE
They run down the Wynyard Lane to avoid the crowds and rush
down the Nurses Passage at the rocks. By the time they
reach Hickson Rd, DUSTY is 20 meters behind.
KYLIE keeps on running and stops when she sees an old
beaten caravan covered in parking tickets. DUSTY catches up.
They hear a radio on inside "WSFM good times and great
classic hits..." KYLIE pears inside and THE BAR TENDER is
scoffing a meat pie and looking at the One2One. He dials a
number one the rotor but it doesnt work. He offers his
koala some gum leaves, but the koala is still sleeping in a
mock tree near the door.
KYLIE moves around the door. DUSTY tries to silently stop
her but she has none of it. She barges through the door and
the Koala immediately wakes up and drops on her head. As it
scratches her face she screams and starts running around the
small van, knocking into every piece of furniture. THE BAR
TENDER is struck with shock. DUSTY manages to climb through
the small window and grabs the One2One off the small table
before its knocked of by KYLIEs frantic motion.
THE BAR TENDER doesnt realise the One2One is gone until he
reaches for his shot gun and DUSTY smashes it out of his
hand. THE BAR TENDER roars at him, but with the impact of

7.

his impressive weight the caravan lurches on to its side and

starts to roll down the hill. KYLIE is able to rip the koala
off her face and throw it into the tumbling mess of a thread
bare mattress and rubbish. DUSTY grabs KYLIE and shoves her
out the now broken window. He tries to follow but cant. The
now very angry BAR TENDER grabs RUSTY by the wife beater who
screams as it pulls against his sunburn. DUSTY grabs a glass
jar of vegemite opens it and smears the black tar-like
substance on to THE BAR TENDERs eyes. He screams and lets
go. RUSTY grabs the koala and exits the vehicle before it
tumbles into Sydney Harbour.
Together, they watch as the caravan tumbles over the edge.
RUSTY
Well that was fun.
He looks at her with love in his eyes.
KYLIE
Oh, go such a mintie. Did you want
to give me my thing now?
RUSTY
Sure.
He hands over the One2One.
RUSTY
Do I still owe you that drink?
KYLIE looks like she has a warm Red Skin in her mouth.
RUSTY
Alright, alright. See you round.
Rusty walks off towards Darling Harbour.
KYLIE sits down. She opens up the One2One revealing a normal
keypad. Realising RUSTY has tricked her, she shakes with
anger before screaming into the night.