Gender Role Challenges

Being told you’re “easy to work with” is the worst compliment you could receive. Here’s why: Nine times out of ten, that “compliment” isn’t about your skills or leadership potential. It’s about your ability to shrink so that everyone else can be comfortable. How smoothly you silence your preferences, your truth, your self. How quietly you take on extra work and stay in line (whatever that means). If you're not careful, you'll mistake it for a badge of honor when in reality it's a receipt & proof that you've been paying the likability tax. The likability tax is the unspoken toll women—especially Black women and women of color—pay to be seen as non-threatening, agreeable, and palatable in the workplace. It’s the cost of downplaying your voice and muting your truth in exchange for being “liked.” And it’s expensive. It’s when you smile and nod, even when you disagree. It’s when you say “I’m good either way” when you're actually not. It’s when you edit the deck, run the meeting, take the notes, follow up, and still don't ask for credit because somewhere deep down, you've learned that being liked is safer than being loud. And don’t get it twisted—this isn’t about being a team player. This is about self-erasure dressed up as professionalism. Because we know on some teams, when a woman has a strong opinion, a clear boundary, or ambitious ask she's labeled. Either she's too much, too difficult, too assertive, too entitled, too ______. So instead of speaking up, she's always agreeable, pleasant, and quiet - trading her voice for job security. And what does she get in return? Praise but no promotion. Thanks but no pay increase. Titled "low maintenance" and applauded for her invisible labor. This is how women, especially Black women and women of color—get underpaid, underestimated, and overlooked while being told how “nice” they are to work with. But let’s be clear: Nice doesn’t build equity. Agreeable doesn’t close pay gaps. Being “easy” to work with won’t get you in the rooms where decisions are made. It just ensures you won’t be seen as a threat. So no, you're not thriving sis. You're surviving. And you're tired of downplaying your contributions so that others feel comfortable. Tired of working twice as hard and getting half the credit. Tired of claiming it's “teamwork” when it’s really just a masterclass in self-sacrifice. When you're as good as you are, certain people benefit from you being quiet than they do from you speaking up. You don't need to be easier to work with. They need to be better at working with women like you. The next time someone says, “You’re so easy to work with,” ask yourself why. You just may be paying the likability tax. — Found this valuable? Make sure to ♻️ repost because friends don’t let friends miss out on helpful content! Want to work with us? Book your Fulfilled Career Clarity Call here - isimemen.com/start

As International Women’s Day nears, we’ll see the usual corporate gestures—empowerment panels, social media campaigns, and carefully curated success stories. But let’s be honest: these feel-good initiatives rarely change what actually holds women back at work on the daily basis. Instead, I suggest focusing on something concrete, something I’ve seen have the biggest impact in my work with teams: the unspoken dynamics that shape psychological safety. 🚨Because psychological safety is not the same for everyone. Psychological safety is often defined as a shared belief that one can take risks without fear of negative consequences. But let’s unpack that—who actually feels safe enough to take those risks? 🔹 Speaking up costs more for women Confidence isn’t the issue—consequences are. Women learn early that being too direct can backfire. Assertiveness can be read as aggression, while careful phrasing can make them seem uncertain. Over time, this calculation becomes second nature: Is this worth the risk? 🔹 Mistakes are stickier When men fail, it’s seen as part of leadership growth. When women fail, it often reinforces lingering doubts about their competence. This means that women aren’t more risk-averse by nature—they’re just more aware of the cost. 🔹 Inclusion isn’t just about presence Being at the table doesn’t mean having an equal voice. Women often find themselves in a credibility loop—having to repeatedly prove their expertise before their ideas carry weight. Meanwhile, those who fit the traditional leadership mold are often trusted by default. 🔹 Emotional labor is the silent career detour Women in teams do an extraordinary amount of behind-the-scenes work—mediating conflicts, softening feedback, ensuring inclusion. The problem? This work isn’t visible in performance reviews or leadership selection criteria. It’s expected, but not rewarded. What companies can do beyond IWD symbolism: ✅ Stop measuring "confidence"—start measuring credibility gaps If some team members always need to “prove it” while others are trusted instantly, you have a credibility gap, not a confidence issue. Fix how ideas get heard, not how women present them. ✅ Make failure a learning moment for everyone Audit how mistakes are handled in your team. Are men encouraged to take bold moves while women are advised to be more careful? Change the narrative around risk. ✅ Track & reward emotional labor If women are consistently mentoring, resolving conflicts, or ensuring inclusion, this isn’t just “being helpful”—it’s leadership. Make it visible, valued, and part of promotion criteria. 💥 This IWD, let’s skip the celebration and start the correction. If your company is serious about making psychological safety equal for everyone, let’s do the real work. 📅 I’m now booking IWD sessions focused on improving team dynamics and creating workplaces where women don’t just survive, but thrive. Book your spot and let’s turn good intentions into lasting impact.

We talk a lot about the mental load women carry at home. But what about the mental load women carry at work. In corporate environments, women disproportionately take on non‑promotable, invisible labor — note‑taking, scheduling, follow‑ups, calendar coordination, and making sure nothing falls through the cracks. Research shows this adds up to about 1 extra month of work per year compared to men. Women of colour are even more impacted. About 25 years ago, I stepped in to support my CEO while his Executive Assistant was on leave. My role wasn’t just booking meetings. It was ensuring his schedule was locked and loaded across systems: his computer calendar, his Palm Pilot (showing my age), and a printed daily schedule. My mistake? I didn’t verbally remind him before leaving the office that he had a 7 a.m. breakfast meeting the next morning. He missed it — and when he arrived at the office, he was furious with me. Apparently 2 tech reminders and 1 printed copy wasn’t enough. He needed a verbal reminder. Fast‑forward 25 years. I was sitting in a professional working group where the only man in the room said — very casually — that he would not be the one taking notes. The implication was unspoken but obvious: someone else would do it — and it would be a woman. Different decade. Same expectation. This isn’t about note‑taking. It’s about who carries mental labor at work — and who is allowed to opt out of it. And until that changes, we shouldn’t pretend this is accidental.

For years, my husband thought I was exaggerating when I said I felt judged if our house was messy and people dropped by unexpectedly. His response was always the same: “No one cares. Everyone’s too busy with their own stuff.” But I cared. Then I read the research and realised I wasn’t imagining it. Researchers showed more than 600 people photos of the exact same living room and kitchen. Same room. Same mess. Same clutter. The only thing that changed? The name on the door. Sometimes they were told the room belonged to John. Other times, to Jane. And here’s what they found. The “messy room” study showed that people judge women more harshly than men for the exact same home. Same room. Same mess. Different name on the door. Different judgement. Even when both partners work full-time and have children, responsibility for the mess still defaults to the woman. Which means when women feel anxious, stressed or on edge about clutter, they’re not being perfectionistic. They’re responding accurately to a social reality where invisible standards and moral judgement still apply. This matters because these kinds of invisible expectations don’t stay at home. They accumulate. They drain energy. They quietly increase cognitive load and stress. And they are one of the contributing factors to the "gender wellbeing gap" we see so clearly in the data. When women carry disproportionate emotional, domestic and reputational responsibility, at home and at work, it impacts recovery, capacity and long-term wellbeing. This isn’t about messy houses. It’s about invisible expectations and social norms that persist. And the quiet emotional load women carry long before anyone says a word... and before they walk into the office. This is exactly what I unpack in my signature keynote Powered-Up Women that I'm thrilled to be delivering to a number of organisations this year. I explore how invisible loads, outdated systems and unspoken expectations shape women’s wellbeing and performance and what organisations and women can realistically do to close the gap. If you’re responsible for people, culture or leadership, this is a conversation worth having.

A concept that came up in coaching yesterday was the double-bind. I've spoken previously about the glass cliff, the glass ceiling, and similar terms that are helpful in giving language to inequities faced by women & women of colour in the workplace. As someone who has been labelled as 'combative' by a previous manager, it's exhausting & frustrating AF trying to navigate layers of unspoken expectations and biases while striving to remain true to oneself and succeed professionally. The double bind for women of colour is where they encounter conflicting demands or expectations that place them in a no-win situation. Here are some ways this shows up - 🎤 Assertiveness vs. Likability: there is a risk of being perceived as aggressive or abrasive. This can sometimes lead to unfair backlash that other colleagues may not face. On the other hand, if one chooses to be more reserved to avoid negative perceptions, they may seem to struggle showcasing their leadership qualities. 🎤 Professionalism vs. Authenticity: Bringing your 'whole selves' to work and highlighting cultural identities is encouraged, but this can sometimes result in facing microaggressions, tokenism or feeling like one doesn't quite fit in with the company's culture. On the flip side, downplaying cultural identity to fit in may leave them feeling disconnected and inauthentic, impacting their job satisfaction and performance. 🎤 Competence vs. Approachability: In a predominantly white or male-dominated work environment, the pressure to prove competence while also being approachable can be overwhelming. While showcasing high competence is essential, it can inadvertently intimidate colleagues (aka tall poppy syndrome) and lead to social isolation. On the other hand, focusing on being approachable and accommodating may undervalue their competence, causing them to miss out on career opportunities. 🎤 Diversity Advocate vs. Professional Identity: women of color are often expected to take on this role (often unpaid) in the workplace. This can sometimes overshadow their professional skills and career aspirations. Striking a balance between advocating for diversity and focusing on their career path can be a difficult task, as they may face criticism for not fully embracing the role. 🎤 Visibility vs. Scrutiny: The yardstick is not the same for women in leadership! While being visible is important for serving as role models, it can also subject them to higher levels of scrutiny and criticism compared to their peers. This increased scrutiny may lead them to avoid visibility, resulting in missed opportunities for career advancement. Have you faced similar experiences? How did you navigate the same? #GenderEquality #Inclusion #genderEquity #InclusionAtWork #InclusiveWorkplaces #DoubleBind #WomenOfColour

Indian marriages can be particularly challenging for many working women because they often carry both professional and traditional family responsibilities. While every family is different, several common issues are frequently discussed: 1. Double burden of work and home * Many women are expected to excel at their jobs while also managing cooking, cleaning, childcare, and caring for elders. * Husbands may help, but household labor often remains unequal. 2. Career compromises * Women may be expected to relocate for their husband’s job, reject promotions, or take career breaks after marriage or childbirth. * These interruptions can affect long-term earnings and career growth. 3. Social expectations * Society often judges a woman more harshly than a man for prioritizing work over family. * Working late or traveling for work may be viewed negatively. 4. Mental load * Even when both spouses work, women often handle planning family events, remembering birthdays, arranging medical appointments, managing children’s education, and other invisible tasks. 5. Pressure to “adjust” * Daughters-in-law are often expected to adapt to their husband’s family traditions, while similar expectations may not be placed on sons. 6. Motherhood penalty * Pregnancy and childcare responsibilities can reduce career opportunities, while fathers may not face the same professional setbacks. 7. Financial independence vs. control * Some women earn well but still face pressure over how they spend or save their own income. 8. Emotional expectations * Women are often expected to maintain family harmony, even when they experience disrespect or unfair treatment. At the same time, many Indian marriages are becoming more equal, especially among couples who consciously share responsibilities, respect each other’s careers, and communicate openly. Urbanization, changing gender roles, and greater financial independence are gradually shifting expectations, though progress varies across families and regions. The key challenge is often not marriage itself, but unequal expectations within marriage. When both partners share domestic work, childcare, and decision-making, working women are far more likely to thrive both professionally and personally.

Trigger Warning: The Motherhood penalty is real, and It’s exhausting. Why is it that the moment a woman becomes a mother, her competence is questioned, but When a man becomes a father, he gets a round of applause? When you become a mother, people at work look at you differently. It’s subtle at first, but it's a hesitance to give you that high-pressure project. A sideways glance when you log off on time is an assumption that you won’t be as reliable anymore. 👉“What if something happens with her kid on deadline day?” 👉“Will she even be able to focus now?” 👉“She’s probably got ‘pregnancy brain’ let’s ask someone else.” I’ve seen it happen to friends. I’ve heard these comments in hushed tones. And let me tell you, it’s infuriating. In reality, moms show up even when we are running on zero sleep, even when we manage a hundred things at home, even when our bodies are recovering from childbirth. 1️⃣ 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗕𝗶𝗮𝘀: Opportunities don’t always disappear overnight—they fade away in silence. Promotions that seemed within reach? Suddenly out of the picture. Key projects? Given to someone “more available.” And just like that, years of hard work and dedication are overshadowed by outdated biases. 2️⃣ 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗨𝗻𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗻 𝗝𝘂𝗱𝗴𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁: Mothers are constantly walking a tightrope. Leave early for a sick child, and you’re seen as “not committed enough.” Stay late at work, and you’re judged for not prioritising your family. Meanwhile, when a father leaves early for his child, he’s praised for being an involved parent. The double standard is exhausting. 3️⃣ 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝗴𝗻𝗮𝗻𝗰𝘆 𝗕𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻? 𝗡𝗼𝗽𝗲, 𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗘𝘅𝗵𝗮𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. Ever heard of “pregnancy brain” or “mom brain”? The reality is it’s not forgetfulness. It’s sheer exhaustion. Your body is working overtime, your hormones are shifting, and sometimes, even forming a sentence feels like a task. Yet, instead of offering support, workplaces often dismiss it as a reason to question a woman’s competence. The reality? Mothers are some of the most resilient, efficient, and adaptable professionals,, yet we constantly have to prove ourselves. As a founder, I refuse to let motherhood be a career setback. At Dhanvesttor, we build a workplace that celebrates mothers, not sidelines them. To every mom who’s had to work twice as hard just to be seen, you are not alone. You don’t have to choose between ambition and motherhood. #motherhood #ambition #founder

I learnt one of the most important lessons about the prejudices against women in mining from an incident that seemed inconsequential at the time. Years ago, when I was Chief Executive of a mining company, a female Board member visited the mine together with other female Directors. As part of their orientation, they were scheduled to go underground. When she put on the work suit provided by the mine, she quickly realised something unexpected - the work suit fitted at the top, but she could not fit into the bottom section because the suit had been designed for a male body shape. There was no alternative available. In the end, she had to proceed underground wearing her jeans. That day, I realised something profound. Sometimes discrimination is not found in policies. It is built into systems, facilities, equipment, cultures, and assumptions that were never designed with women in mind. Mining and Engineering have made tremendous progress in opening doors for women. Yet many women continue to fight battles that men rarely notice. From personal protective equipment designed around male body dimensions, to underground ablution facilities that do not adequately cater for women, to change rooms, shift arrangements, and workplace cultures that were originally built for an overwhelmingly male workforce. But the challenges go beyond infrastructure. Many women still face stereotypes that question their technical competence. They often have to prove themselves repeatedly while their male counterparts are assumed to be capable from the outset. Their ideas may be overlooked until repeated by someone else. They are sometimes excluded from informal networks where career-defining opportunities are discussed. Some continue to face harassment, bias, and the "double bind" where being collaborative is seen as weak and being assertive is seen as aggressive. The irony is that research consistently shows that gender diverse teams make better decisions, manage risk better, and drive greater innovation. The issue goes beyond the social imperative focusing on accommodating women. It is about unlocking excellence using the best talent available. Boards have a responsibility to ensure that inclusion is not treated as a nice-to-have Human Resources initiative but as a strategic governance issue. Management must ensure facilities, PPE, policies, and workplace practices are fit for purpose for everyone. Employees must challenge stereotypes and become allies. And women themselves must continue supporting, mentoring, and lifting one another as they rise. The future of Mining and Engineering will not be built by excluding half of the available talent. It will be built by creating environments where every capable person can contribute fully, safely, and with dignity. That experience with a simple mining work suit taught me a lesson I have never forgotten: sometimes the biggest barriers facing women are hidden in plain sight. And until we see them, we cannot remove them.

In 2014, I made the difficult decision to leave my corporate job to explore more flexible work options. Walking away after 15 years wasn’t easy, but I had two major struggles—debilitating menstrual cycles and managing unpaid work at home. My monthly cycles were nothing short of torture, and juggling a toddler without proper support was truly taxing. Talking about these challenges at work wasn’t easy, let alone getting support. So, I stepped away and reinvented myself as a business owner. I now work with people on empowering topics as a coach and facilitator. But this isn’t just my story. At a recent women's leadership discussion on women's health at EGN Singapore (Executives' Global Network) with experts from International SOS, it was striking—both through discussion and data—how many women resonated with these struggles, even today. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 4 𝐌'𝐬: 𝐔𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐖𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 These issues are widespread, yet often misunderstood or unaddressed: 🔸 Microaggressions – Subtle biases that undermine confidence and credibility. 🔸 Managing unpaid work – The invisible load of caregiving and household responsibilities. 🔸 Menstruation – Severe pain, fatigue, and discomfort that many feel pressured to "push through." 🔸 Menopause – A life stage often met with silence, despite its profound impact. Each year, countless women step back from their careers—or hesitate to take on more—because these challenges remain unsupported. What’s missing? The 3 E’s: ✔ 𝐄𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 – Raising awareness about these realities. ✔ 𝐄𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐲 – Creating safe spaces for open conversations. ✔ 𝐄𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 – Enabling structural changes that support women at work. As we approach another International Women’s Day, let’s ask: 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐦, 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧? Would love to hear your thoughts. Have you experienced or witnessed these challenges?

💡 The Hidden Double Standard That Holds Women Leaders Back For many women in leadership, the unspoken rules sound like this: Be strong—but not too direct. Be confident—but stay agreeable. Lead—but make sure everyone’s comfortable with how you do it. This is the likeability dilemma. And it quietly shapes how women show up at work every single day. Speak up too much? You’re too aggressive. Hold back? You’re not assertive enough. Set a boundary? You’re difficult. Try to fit in? You’re not “leadership material.” This constant push and pull doesn’t happen because women lack ability— It happens because they’re navigating invisible biases most don’t even see. Here’s the mindset shift I share with the women I coach: You’re not “too much.” You’re not “too soft” or “too strong.” You don’t need to shrink or stretch to fit a broken mold. Real confidence and leadership aren’t about performance. They’re about showing up authentically—anchored in your values, guided by clarity, and supported by a system that doesn’t ask you to trade authenticity for effectiveness. And here’s where the ripple effect begins: When you support other women facing the same double standards… you normalize new ways of leading. When you bring awareness of these biases into your workplace… you open doors for cultural change. When you lead with authenticity, you model what’s possible for those watching in silence. The truth is—you don’t have to choose between being authentic and being effective. You can lead with both. And when you do, you lift others with you. What’s one invisible bias you’ve faced as a woman leader? Share it below—your story could empower another woman today. #WomenInLeadership #ConfidenceCoach #PurposeDrivenLeadership #MindsetMatters #LeadWithAuthenticity